Getting to A Destination If You Don't Know Where That Is.

I keep mentioning Pop!Tech here. It's important to me not only because it changed the direction of my life in 1997, but also because it has given me continued exposure to fantastically talented people doing interesting and courageous and creative things. And Pop!Tech has given me a metaphor that I turn to again and again to understand my life.

1n 1998, Seymour Papert described the ways technology can make it possible for people to grasp very complex concepts. An example of his writing is here. I think the point of Papert's lecture was that technology allows kids to try different programs and see the results of some otherwise pretty abstract stuff, and learn quickly what works. In his presentation, he described how a little programmable lego car can be directed to get from point A to point B, even if you don't know the coordinates of point A or point B. With a light source, a light sensor on the car, and a one or two line program loop, you can put the car anywhere, facing anyplace, and direct it reliably to the light source at point B. What works as a program is this instruction: if light sensor is getting steady or increasing light, go straight. If light sensor is getting no light or reduced light, turn right 90 degrees. The little car starts off pointing somewhere and drives. Maybe it's going away from the light, so it turns 90 degrees. Still going away from the light. Turns again. Towards the light now. At some point it crosses the beam of light and begins travelling away from the light. Turns 90 degrees -- back towards the light. And from then on it zigzags in smaller and smaller zigs back and forth across the light source, until its path approaches a straight line towards the light. These illustrations show similar programs -- the one I'm describing is probably too obvious to merit a picture. [For added elegance, you can instruct the car to use both left turns and right turns, to avoid the three-rights-make-a-left problem.]

This hit me really hard. Maybe because I was 25 and feeling lost myself, looking for direction, and wondering what my destination was, anyway. Holy moly, it's possible to get somewhere even if you don't know where it is?! And all you need to know is, if things are getting dimmer, you turn? What a miracle! He was talking about math, but I was thinking about me.

That's what I've been doing ever since. At the time of the first Pop!Tech I worked at a public library, and by accident I became in charge of keeping the Novell network running, teaching internet classes to patrons, helping the board with strategic planning -- questions like, with the Web, what are libraries going to be for in 10, 20, 50 years? I thought those questions were fascinating, and I thought the daily legal dilemmas the 'Net brought to my desk were fascinating too. When the cops showed up and wanted to see the computer logs because someone had used our IP address to commit credit card fraud, did I turn them over or ask for a subpoena? When everyone in town was looking at porn on our unfiltered computers, and the librarians started complaining about having to close a dozen windows of explicit and often very hard core images, was that a first amendment issue or a hostile work environment problem?

I zigged to law school. Where my classes sent me immediately back 500 years to replevin for cows and consequential damages questions about mill parts. I loved the disciplined thinking of law school but wanted to hang out with some people who were looking forward at the world coming down the pike, instead of constantly looking back at Lord Coke and the rules that had already been established. So I zagged to a venture capital firm and started helping do technology deals in addition to my studies. And there I discovered that I love the game of business, love being around innovators and am fascinated by the incentives that various capital structures can create or destroy. I was as surprised as my hippie parents to discover that I am a dyed-in-the-wool capitalist.

But I also observed that some people steeped in the world of business, where money is the way you keep score in the game, begin to confuse wealth for "value," even outside the world of business, and filter who they'll listen to and associate with accordingly. No, sillies, they're just not playing the same game. And although I love structuring deals, I began to get curious about the opposite end of things -- sure, everyone loves each other when we're on to the Next Big Thing and we're all going to get rich, but what happens to these same people when the risks turn out not to work? Zig over to bankruptcy law. Fascinating. I understand those deals a lot better now that I've seen them fall apart -- who gains, who loses, who stays to clean up the mess, who skips town entirely.

There have been equivalent zigs and zags in my personal life. The process is disruptive, and confusing, but the metaphor of that little lego car is so comforting. All I need to do is closely monitor my internal light sensor. Getting brighter or dimmer? If brighter, stay the course. If dimmer, change. You'll get where you want to go -- a place of steadier and steadier brightness -- if you just abide by the simple program.

Along the way I'm starting to learn some things about what the light might be. Professionally, I'm attracted to risk-takers who use capital to try new things, and I think I will always want to work with them in some capacity. Personally, I'm attracted to authenticity, and I can't abide situations or people that don't encourage it. But I don't spend a lot of time trying to figure out where the ultimate destination might be in either my personal or professional life. Instead I have faith in the process. I think through practice my light sensor has become pretty sensitive, so I'm getting better at avoiding the paths that lead to darker places, and I'm quicker to take a turn when I become sure of a reading.

I've just re-read this post and thinking about whether to put it up. It is true. But I wonder if it makes me sound like a flake, scattered and undisciplined and flighty. I don't think that's the case. All I'm trying to say is that I would have done a lousy job if at 25 I had tried to guess at my destination and chart a straight course to it. Who knows how close I am now? All I know is, for the last couple of years the light has been getting steadily brighter and the course corrections more nuanced, not because of any revelations about who I am, what I'm good at, or what I'm here for, but because the light sensor I've come to trust is telling me so.

Comments

[Balasubramani]

Nice post!

[stephen bates]

very cool post. i enjoy reading your thoughts. your comments regarding the zigs and zags of interest and education are very comfortable for me.