Stay of Execution

New Year's Resolution #4

Get my car's oil changed.

It is these clear, attainable goals that have the best prospect of success in the new year.

Bleeding From An Open Wound

Breaking up is heard to do.  My heart goes out to my brave friend MC, who's ending something that was almost right and choosing to be alone and giving up lots of good things, warmth and companionship and a lively and mostly compatible friend and lover.  It's the right thing to do; it makes room for something really right and it tells the truth about the important parts that aren't right.  But it's really hard and it hurts, and is going to hurt for quite a while. 

Small Fry

I hate to confess this because philosophically I don't WANT to feel this way, but my little guy clients, the individuals with the small dollar amount problems, are disproportionately stress-inducing. Because they're not sophisticated and they haven't really sorted things out before we talk, and they're more likely to waffle or go in circles, we waste a lot of time, which makes me anxious because they'll either be billed for time not all that productively spent, or I've wasted a hunk of my day without the billable time to show for it. And they need hand holding, and they have unrealistic expectations, and although their problems are personally important and urgent they're often not terribly complicated or interesting. And I'm hyper conscious of the question of whether I'm adding enough value to justify my billing rate.

On the other hand today I spent an hour and a half helping a fellow -- a referral from my first "real client", a young executive who was referred by a friend to me (rather than my firm) this spring -- understand the noncompetition provisions of his employment agreement and formulate a plan for negotiating with his former employer, and set a course for a new venture.

So many of my hours are spent acutely aware of all that I don't know. Working with individuals it is amazing to realize how much I DO know, and how much my knowledge and confidence and ability to clarify and distinguish and educate can ease the daily worries of regular people.

Happiness Is....

This is very dorky, but I just love paying my mortgage electronically. I love paying my mortgage because it means a tiny little bit more of my house is actually mine. And I love doing it electronically....just because I'm a dork.

Blogroll

I've been messing with my blogroll. It's still a real indefinite thing and I should mess with it more thoroughly or more frequently. My M.O. this time was to limit them to only those blogs that I actually read regularly, like, every day or every time they are updated. There are a whole lot of other blogs that I read occasionally or even frequently and like and admire, etc and I guess a bunch of them are "on deck" to be on the blogroll as my reading habits change and as I decide whether some are consistently good. But this particular roll reflects my right now reading habits. And some of the ones I took off I still read, just less than daily.

My criteria for a blog I like is that it has a distinctive character writing it, which is why group blogs don't seem to stick much for me with rare exceptions. It is updated if not daily then at least every couple of days. The topic or the voice is one I feel connected to or interested in. I like the design. I trust the writer. Actually it's more than that -- with a few exceptions, I not only trust the writer but I feel like we could be friends if we met in person. Those are the people I get loyal to.

Maybe I should link to everyone I read with any frequency. Maybe I should link to everyone who's linked to me. But for now I'll keep it as a snapshot of my own excursions into the blogosphere.

How To Get A Job In A Small Market

A guy who was a couple of years behind me at law school, who is now a bankruptcy clerk, stopped in to see me earlier today. He wants to work here in town, and here's what I told him. I'm basically making it up out of thin air, the sole qualification being that I got a job in a small market by doing something like this. I'd take it with a pile of rock salt.

First, make friends with lawyers who are a couple of years ahead of you in the market you want to be in. They're your unwitting spies about the real world. (They'll also be your professional colleagues and adversaries once you succeed, and it's nicer to have a friendly relationship than a competitive or hostile one.)

Second, start talking to people who are doing what you think you want to do, or some facet of it. The books call this "informational interviewing." It's just due diligence. Talk to the people you're pretty sure you DON'T want to work for first, who practice with and against the people you do want to work with. Offer to buy them lunch and tell them you're six to eight months (a year, two years, whatever) away from being ready to work in the market and want to get a feel for the people and the practice. This is not a ploy -- you actually DO want to do this. Assure them you will hold what they say in confidence, and do it. Don't say anything negative about anyone. There are many different styles of effective lawyering. Sometimes styles don't mesh all that well. That's about as negative as I'd get, and I wouldn't even do that unless you're demurring when someone you're talking to invites you to trash someone. (And if the person you're talking to does so, I'd take everything else they say with a huge grain of salt.) Remember to ask the question, "What should I be asking you about that I haven't thought to ask?"

Follow the threads of your informational interviews, coffees, and lunches -- call up the folks that people suggest you talk to. Be ready to talk about yourself, but don't assume that's going to be on the agenda, and keep it to a sentence or two. What you're really doing is learning about the personalities and styles of different folks in the small market to figure out where you might fit. Be open to things that you don't already know, people you hadn't already thought about -- that's the whole point. When I went around meeting folks in order to find out more about the three firms I was considering, a pretty cool lawyer at a firm I wasn't considering had me in and talked a lot about the practice and the different styles of the folks at each of the firms. After we'd talked for half an hour or so I guess he'd sized me up enough to reveal that his firm, too, was looking for someone and launched into a pitch for his own firm. It was really late in the game for me -- I was basically deciding between offers, and the truth is I'd about run out of money and needed a paycheck in short order -- and his firm wasn't hiring on the schedule that I was looking to start, so it didn't work, but if I had started the friendly investigations earlier I might have been quite serious about that place.

Be patient. You're best to start a long time before you need a paycheck. Your aim is to identify the people you want to work with and plant a seed that you're smart, personable, and will be available sometime in the future. My experience is that people in small markets don't hire on the BIGLAW schedule, and that it takes a lot longer for folks to make a decision than you'd think it would. Just get on the radar screen, and stay there. Build yourself a web of friendly folks who want to help you out. I have found that people have a strong pull to pass along advice, to share their experience, and like to tell their own stories. (Look at the blog world.) There's a lot to be learned from these stories, and it seems to me that people have warm feelings towards the folks who ask to hear those stories, are interested and thoughtful listeners.

I think people in small markets hire based on reputation and networks. Before something is advertised or farmed out to a headhunter lawyers are talking to each other, letting one another know that they're looking. This is why getting friendly and asking around about the market is useful -- not only do you learn about the cast of characters you'll be getting involved with, but there are many opportunities for folks to pass your name along to others.

Be forthright. Everyone talks to everyone else in a small market. Don't tell one firm one thing and your hairdresser another because your hairdresser may turn out to be best friends with your dream boss or your dream boss's assistant or something like that. If you're not sure, but you have a pull toward x and z practice areas, it's fair to say so. You're not expected to know what you want to do, but you're expected to have thought about what you MIGHT want to do and why, and if you say one thing and do another it's likely to be remembered. If your thinking evolves from one thing to another it's good to have an elevator pitch that explains how and why. If you're still sorting things out, say that too -- it's useful to remind people that at this stage in your career it's unrealistic to expect perfect consistency as you gather data and piece together the jigsaw puzzle of your ideal career.

In my experience people are pretty friendly and receptive to being called up or emailed out of the blue, if you're legitimately asking them to take 15 or 20 minutes to tell you why they like their field or to give you advice on breaking in to a particular practice area, and not obviously trying to trick them into hiring you or hearing all about how great you are. My experience also tells me that people would rather talk on the phone or in person -- they'll be way more candid if you're talking, and they can use tone of voice and intonation and can size you up a little than they would if they had to put something into writing to a faceless stranger. So an email that asks if you can make a time to call or take someone out for a cup of coffee in the upcoming weeks strikes me as a good approach. Be prepared to talk about yourself VERY briefly -- an elevator pitch -- and to return the topic to them and the practice area, the market, etc. "I'm just out of law school, clerking for a bankruptcy judge for a year, and I really want to move back here next September. I'm attracted to the idea of doing X when I move back, but of course I don't know much about what that's really like, which is why I'd like to hear your perspective." I did this almost exclusively with partners, but if I were to do it over again I'd tap into the associates' point of view. I would think they'd be a little more candid and specific about the day-to-day life.

Down the road apiece you can go back to the same people when you're ready to actually get hired, with a friendly request for help finding you a home. Especially if you can show you learned something from them before, that you took some of their words to heart, I think people will be rooting for you, and will want to get you situated somewhere.

Reading this over I guess I sound really Pollyanna and naiive, and I guess my perspective is skewed as I'm living in my hometown and know everyone, but I've found it pretty easy to make friends and professional connections. People here will take your call, and if you say, "I've heard about you and you sound really cool to me because I've heard this about your professional path and that's interesting to me for this reason and would you be willing to have a cup of coffee and tell me your experiences," they'll not only do it but they'll buy your cup of coffee and thank you for reaching out to them. I've been doing it since I was in law school and kept it up after I got my job just because I'm so curious about folks and as a result I feel like there are all these benevolent wise people in different careers around town who treat me like I'm an adopted little sister.

New Year's Resolution #3

Do the things I know work.

This encompasses a lot of things, but none of it is brain surgery. And yet somehow it's the hardest part of being a grown up. For example: I know how to feed myself food that makes me feel healthy and happy, and yet more often than not I don't. And I know how to blow dry my hair and put on a little makeup and look a lot better but I skip it quite a lot. And I know that if I book up every night of the week with plans after work I get frazzled and easily irritated and resentful and I still do it.

At work I know that if I get confused or doubtful I tend to retreat when what I really need to do is ask for help, even if that's scary and means admitting that I'm a doofus and am stuck. I know that my thinking is clearer if I try to articulate what I am doing, and writing a memo or an email is a great way to clarify what I'm stuck on. But I still somehow forget, and think I need to read a couple more cases or look again at the document that puzzles me before I'm "ready" to start writing.

So no razzle dazzle here, no trying to be fundamentally different, just an attempt to be a little more mindful, and to do the things I do on my best days more consistently.

Milestones

I thought I should title this post "Milestones" because I've been thinking a bunch about milestones over this little four-day holiday. Two of my inner circle lifelong friends -- one I've known since age six and one since age 14 -- got engaged this weekend. My Best Friend's wedding is planned for July 4th, and she and her sweetie just left Manhattan for Montana, arriving on the 26th in their new home, where they will paint the walls and sand the floors and plan their wedding and, soon enough, raise their children. Another friend is ripe with a baby, due in February.

But I don't, as it turns out, have that much to say about milestones. Or I haven't been able to think of anything. I'm looking forward to all these weddings a great deal. I don't want to get married myself. Although I feel sort of like I'm supposed to, I don't feel like these engagements have made me take stock or anything like that.

Last night at my book group's holiday party I saw my oldest friend, Gudrun, a woman who is beside me in a Kodachrome snapshot of two toddlers, naked and covered in soap, washing a long-forgotten dog. Our moms are friends, and we're both only children, and we ebb and flow in closeness but she feels like a relative I trust and admire and will always know. She's living in California now studing funky independent animation. She's always been really cool. We sat in the kitchen of the party catching up. When you see an old friend with whom there's a longtime connection you sort of cut to the chase. We talked about the places we were both in, our thoughts about them, our professional pursuits, our relationships. It is getting hard to talk about our work to each other -- our vocabulary is starting to be too specialized and too remote from one another's world. I told her I still sometimes feel like an undercover spy in the world of lawyers. I told her I felt embarrassed to be living in my hometown when she's off doing such exotic and interesting things, even though I feel like my life here is rich and full of love and fun. She's not sure whether she'll ever want to have children. She was impressed with the fact that I have a house and a boat -- thinks it makes me a grown up in some way that she's not.

I notice at gatherings like the book group party and at a big family gathering of relatives people make lawyer jokes -- not the "two lawyers walk into a bar" kind but the "watch out, A.J., you don't want to say that around her, she's a lawyer" kind of comments and I don't really know what to make of them. Do people do this with other professions? It's part of what I meant when I said I feel like an undercover spy sometimes -- like people don't see beyond the badge of lawyer, they've labelled me with a whole bunch of assumptions that don't really feel that comfortable. When I was talking to Gudrun I was trying to learn more about what she's studying and didn't really have the language to ask. So I asked, "If I am doing something and I say, I really need to hire Gudrun to help with this, what am I doing?" It was not that useful a question, but it led us to more interesting questions and I learned some things about what she's studying. But as I asked it I felt self-conscious, thinking, geez, I sound like someone who thinks everything can be reduced into what kind of job you do with what you learn, and I wonder if she'll think that's because I'm a lawyer, and I wonder if I AM that kind of person, and I wonder if it IS because I'm a lawyer.

This post doesn't have anything to do with milestones after all. I think it would, if I could sort out my thoughts better. But not tonight, I think.

Comments Are Fun

I love the fact that people out there in the world talk back to me.

My favorite comment so far just arrived in response to my post My Dad is Cool. Someone named Ashley piped up with, "So my dad is a astronaut and has been in space before and will be again soon." I'm not the only one with a cool dad, clearly.

I don't know whether it's stupid and corny or if it's just sensible friendliness but I have this wonderful tender fondness for people I know only via my blog or theirs or both. I'm starting to imagine them as characters in my own life -- to predict what they'd think about a person or a scene or something.

New Year's Resolution #2

Be in better shape when I turn 32 than I've ever been before.

Anyone inclined to suggest that this is incompatible with Resolution # 1, please pipe down. And please note the order of the resolutions.

Training to walk this marathon has been a fun thing to do, and a great way to be outside regularly, and for long periods of time. A side benefit has been that I've had to learn quite a bit about proper gear and being comfortable in the cold for many hours of exertion. And my legs are definitely stronger than they've been, and my stamina better. Today I walked 12 miles and it's not noticeable -- just feels like I did a short walk. When I started this thing 12 miles was a big deal.

But anyway, this marathon training hasn't had a dramatic affect on my body or the way I feel about it. I'm proud of myself, and feel pretty good about what I can do. But I've been stronger and leaner and more flexible before, and I'd like to get back there again.

Housemate and I have already decided that after this marathon we'll pick out a half-marathon in the springtime to train for. We both like walking. It's good for our friendship, and it's great to be outside so much. We're going to focus on speed this time. Training for the half-marathon sounds so much more manageable. Our longest walk will be only 8 or 10 miles -- a couple of hours, easy. But we'll be pushing the speed part of things, aiming for a 12 minute mile or under. When you're walking that fast your arms are pumping like crazy and your body keeps wanting to break into a run. At that speed I guess walking starts to be pretty serious exercise. We'll see.

I miss yoga, quite a lot, and I miss being able to do a whole bunch of push-ups, so I'll probably braid those back into my life. In about six months I'll see how I'm doing, and how I'm stacking up to the resolution.

I was in the best shape of my life in 1999 and 2000, I think. I had just broken an engagement and was heady and determined to live MY way. Looking back it was a frantic time. My journal is full of pages and pages of tiny printing -- each day's entry six or seven pages, sometimes several entries a day. I was working 25 hours a week and was interviewing with firms and was going to school full time and getting up early to work out, and was running in the middle of the day and going to karate at night and I look at the whole thing now and think whoah, kiddo, slow down. Maybe it's not fair to say I was in the best shape of my life, even though it was the time I looked the best in a short skirt. It's not what I aspire to for the upcoming year.