First Semester Law School Grades

This post is for whoever found my site searching for "bad grades first semester law school". My first semester grades were disappointing. I did not even make Dean's List my first semester and my class rank was decidedly unexciting. By second semester I had graded onto law review (for what that was worth -- more later on why law review was not my bag) and I got all the job offers I cared about (an interviewer teased me about my Torts grade once, but we laughed about it together and moved on). Now my school was very small and I happened to do very well second semester but the message is, everyone's just figuring all this stuff out, and so how you prepared for, took, and scored on first semester exams is not an accurate predictor of how you are going to do in law school or in life. It just isn't. Now you have a clue about what to do and how to study and what to expect -- you didn't before. So quit freaking out and turn your attention to the fascinating and baffling topics they're asking you to learn THIS semester. You are just as smart and full of potential as you were in September. Smarter, in fact. Go learn.

(It is 4:30 AM and I am going to board a plane for Phoenix soon.)

Comments

[Kabob]

I did well my first semester, and then I flopped my second semester. I got 2 Cs my second semester. Now my GPA is 2.811, drastically down from my first semester. My first semester I was above a 3.0. I don't think I'll get on a journal now. I don't even think anyone will hire me. My whole summer sucks. I'm pretty depressed.

[J]

2.35 GPA... Need I say more. i've invested so much time, there's no way I'm quitting. I'll just see where this degree takes me. Hopefully I can get on somewhere and work my way up (it's like another 3 yrs of school, but what the hell). I work full time and go to Law School at night. I have a wife, a 7yr. old, and a 1 yr. old. If you read this and feel like you would give a guy like this a chance good... it's what I'm going to use when I interview for the manager's position at Mc Donald's.

[Jboogie]

I got my grades for first semester and I was horrified. This was the first time in my life that I have ever worked this hard and got Cs. Except for Legal Skills, I got three Cs. The second semester I got three Bs, but I got a C- in COn Law. For a while I was totally depressed and questioning my intelligence. Now, I am going to focus my energy on bringing my GPA up to a 3.0 so that when I graduate I can hold my head up. What puzzles me is that I went to every class, outlined each class, studied and prepared thoroughly for every exam and yet I still got Cs. What this means is that I still haven;t figured out the secret to doing better and it is not like my school is helping much. Still the same, I must hold my head up, I will get a job. In 5 years, my grades won't even matter anyway. If any one agrees with me, reply.

[Cookiemonster]

Dear Law School Friends:

I hear you. I hear your discouragement, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have experienced all of the things you describe and more. Law school is a big pile of oblivion and ambiguity. Like you, I had a horrible semester, making a 2.35. My second semester was better, but my GPA only stayed at a 2.7. However, through hard word and diligence, I have pulled my GPA up to compete with many people in my school. This past semester, I received 3 A's 2 A-, and one B+. I'll probably never be in the top 10%, but I have learned to live with that. As much as you worry now, I want to tell you all, the difficult process you are going through is putting you in the position to become the next Johnnie Cochran, or Tim Russert (NBC's Meet the Press), or Thurgood Marshall, or Alan Dershowitz, or Star Jones. Although it sucks now, you are learning how to survive difficulty. This won't make you a good lawyer, it will make you a great lawyer.

For those that wonder how I was able to pull up my grades, I can't give you a step-by-step guide, but I will tell you what I did. I finally stopped listening to all the guidebooks out there. I stopped listening to what the "experts" suggested, and I finally started living beyond law school. My non-law school related activities took so much of my time, I barely had time to study. I'm ashamed to admit that there were times this past semester that I didn't even come to class prepared. I started some of my outlines 1-2 weeks before exams. Although I only had 2 weeks (give or take a week) to truly prepare for my exams, I really took that time and prepared. Honestly, studying for 12 hours a day is not going to get you an A. Really think about it. You go to a class twice a week for anywhere from 1-2 hours for that particular class. That amounts to between 30-60 actual hours you spend in a class. Than you spend another 12 hours or more a week studying for that class (with 5 classes, that's about 60 hours/week for all your classes you are spending on studying). Then you take the hundreds or thousands of pages you've read and notes you've taken and condense it into an outline (from 10-50+ pages). You do all this by the way to sit for a 3-5 hour exam (don't think take homes are an exception, the philosophy is the same). Do you see the madness I'm trying to show you?

Essentially, your grade (and your initial legal career) comes down to 3-5 hours. What I'm saying is learn how to chew out the bullsh*t and burn it down to its essential parts. Your professor cannot test you on every little thing. There is only so much you can say in 3-5 hours. Therefore, learn how to throw out the junk, and only eat the artichoke heart. That's what I had to learn. That's why I can prepare for an exam in 2 weeks or less, and get good grades. I had to realize that all of this is nonsense. Too often, law students spend too much time studying, and not enough reviewing, and actually going over what really matters. It's not the cases that matter as much as the principle.

Now, as simple as that is, why can't law school professors tell us that at orientation? It would save a lot of heartache!

[s]

I'm in the same boat as everyone, but found hope in this article here. I think everyone should read it!
http://www.abanet.org/lsd/stulawyer/nov02/bahls.html

And please read the book "Transforming Practices" - it's just what the legal profession and lawyers and would-be lawyers need!

[Tish]

The curve in law school necessitates that 70 - 80% of all students receive grades below B. Folks, it is a set up from the get-go!

The profs have to force their students' performance into the curve. If everyone got a perfect score they would still force everyone into this curve.

On our Con Law I test 90 people scored within 3 points of one another. For 3 points down you got a C. That was missing one mulitiple choice question!

I think we should all see it for the set-up it is.

These law "schools" are raking it in hand over fist as they grind many intelligent people down!

[st96f49t]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one out there. My GPA is a 2.6. I've been trying to figure out if I should just give up, or if there is any hope left. For the past 2 years I've been wondering "What, am I stupid or something? What am I missing?" I'm not lazy, I study and work hard in school. I've been a distinguished class speaker in several of my classes. I had the highest grades in my legal writing classes. What am I doing wrong in all my other classes?
Is the skill to do well on law school exams innate? Or is it acquired? If so, how can we acquire it?
I haven't given up yet. I'm going to try out some exam taking course at www.leews.com
One of my classmates suggested it; she said a bunch of my classmates took it first year and did well (I wish I had known back then). I'll let you know how it works out.
One of my professors told me that improving grades even in your final year can really help the way you look to employers. So I'm not ready to give up just yet.

[Starquoiz]

Yeah, I got shit-canned last summer and am only just recently able to crack the occasional joke about it. Call me stubborn, but I don't feel any less intelligent because of it. I consistently test in the 95th percentile on the IQ test, but that only translated into me landing in the top 95th percentile of a 4th tier law school (did you see what I did there? That was a joke). So, there's gotta be something else going on with me...

Anyway, what I really feel is anger toward myself (I'll get to that) but especially toward the school. After being shown the door last summer I had nothing but time to do a bit of research and came to realize that my fourth-tier law school had a bit of a ponsi scheme going on.. What I suspect is that lower tier schools accept people who don't necessarily demonstrate true aptitude for legal study, nor passage of the bar, in the interest of generating revenue. That revenue is then used toward rank-improving initiatives, such as a new coat of paint, the odd computer, rat-traps or a halfway decent booze-cruise.

These lower tier schools actually set their curves higher than the upper tiers meaning that while a 2.5 may be a C+ at Michigan, a 2.5 is a D+ at Lionel Hutz School of Law. Since Law School is a sum-zero game it is inevitable that, say, 10-20% of the 1L's at a fourth tier school will fall below a certain line and receive a waive good-bye from the dean while he lights a cigar with your money. See, once they have your money they are then concerned with your ability to pass the bar, which is also used in assessing the school's ranking. An academic review committee gets together and makes a simple, cold business decision as to whether or not you are worth their kid's braces. From all I've read and heard, the practice is nowhere near as common in the upper tiers. Once you're there, you're there.

I can't f**king believe I didn't figure this out before it was too late because I've always had an aptitude for that sort of reasoning (I'm applying to business school now, by the way). Everyone told me to not even bother applying if I got below a 160 on the LSAT, and moreover not to let that particular 4th tier law school fleece me the way they did. But of course, every prospective JD candidate has an ego the size of the Atlantic and is not so easily dissuaded by, y'know, reason. What an arrogant little SOB I was.

I'm also angry at myself because, at 28 I've just learned that I'm ADD and Dyslexic. Had I taken the odd pill here or there half of my problems would likely have been ameliorated.

The other half of my problems is caused by the fact that I'm a tremendous asshole, but Merk has yet to develop medication for that.

[LW]

Let's take a chill pill. Like most of you I went to a good undergraduate school made the Dean's List and planned to make the grades in Law School. However, that has not happened, I have a lowly 2.2 GPA going into my 6th and final semester. I attend a lower tier school that grades on a C curve.

Although I may not get into the big firm to start, and be forced to work my way up starting in the DA's office there is hope.

Remember, every semester we are compelled to attend every class, read 3000-4000 pages per semester, study this material on an ongoing basis, and finally we take a 3-5 hour exam that is suppose to cover most of what we learned over a 14-15 week period, which is a lot to ask of any of us. The only other profession that can compete in terms of work load is med school.

Despite the the flucuation in the number of people attending law school, a lot people do not make it through law school, those that do make it get weeded by the MPRE and Bar Exam. So, that leaves room for the select few that actually pass the bar and enjoy the practice of law; therefore, their will be jobs for most of us when we get out there.

So regardless of your GPA, I would think that there is hope for success as a lawyer with a low GPA, as long as, you are willing to work hard to attain that success.

"There are more people in law school than their are practing atorneys"

[LW]

Another note: To the best of my knowledge Johnnie Cochran was not on the law review while in law school, he started in the DA's office, but his pursuit for success is what made him who he was.

[RA]

Well, it seems that I have found a community of people who are doomed to the same fate as myself...flunking out of law school. Or in my situation I should say, 'flunked out of law school.'

Thats right folks, my name is RA, and I am from the law school flunkie class of 2004. I attended a state school in North Carolina for undergrad that is pretty respectable. I scored alright on the LSAT, and by all accounts I seemed destined to become a lawyer. Average whiz kid from the ghetto who attended classes with white kids all my life and scored comparable "A" grades and scores on everything from the SAT to LSAT.

My problem and I am sure a lot of folks' problem on this site, especially if you are a younger student, is that you did not give yourself any background knowledge in the law before you went to law school.

There are two types of schemes going on in law school, may be even three. One is the aforementioned scheme of allowing sub par students in law schools for their first-year 35,000 tuition check to the school. The school thanks you for the new library you and others are slowly erecting with your wasted student loan money.

The second is that if you were stupid enough to attend a lowly-3rd tier law school in Louisiana or any law school where judges' or lawyers' sons and daughters attend because they could not get into Tulane or LSU, you are basically fighting for grades you cannot recieve. Before attending law school you not only have to realize that you are competing (because law school is nothing but flat out warfare and a competition for grades and favor, no matter how much everyone attempts to sugarcoat the fact that they dont care about grades) agaisnt persons who have left their respective professions to pursue the most noble of professions(lol), but you are also, im my case, competing with people whose parents have raised them around and in the law. This is not to say that you cannot recover from your first semester grades (i made a 1.8 the first semester, and i am not sure whether it was laziness or what, but i made a 2.1 the next semester, my school lets you go for less than 2.0), but i was unprepared to go the distance with my section.
For example, I will never forget in my Contracts class, the President of the United States was visiting New Orleans, and happened to be playing golf with one of my classmates' father. Well, I think it was on the news that the Pres. was in town, but the Contracts professor comes in that day and asked the girl if she knows this man. She replies, that the guy is her dad. He then says that she needs to arrange a meeting with her dad and him and maybe she can get some extra credit on the exam!!! He says this in front of the entire class, and the guy is not kidding, besides he has tenure, so I dont really think he cared. Needless to say the chick got an A in the class.

The third...well you add your own, I am sure everyone has their own story.

Well, when I was kicked out I was reall bummed because I heard all these stories about law schools never accepting flunkies.

Most of you, if you flunk out will probably find jobs in another field and forget about how it felt to debate issues, moot court, or the thrill of all nighters with your casebook and Black. You are not a bad person, you are not stupid, and you are not stupid if you stay or go. Hey, its life and one moment it really sucks and then another it is great, but no matter what happens don't just sit there and moan on your ass.

When I failed out, I went back to Charlotte North Carolina is sat on my ass working for a year,and mainly feeling sorry for myself. I told everyone I was taking a year off from law school if I did not tell them I was put on academic probation (which i was, because i had petitioned and was granted re-entrance the next year, due to some deaths in my family and my fiancee's that first year in law school). However, I knew that I could not go back there because my scholarship was gone and federal loans were not granted to students on academic probation (you have to come up with the 35,000 dollars for tuition yourself).

I enrolled in a local community college paralegal program, because no one would hire a law school flunkie to work as an assistant in their law firm. Currently, I have been working with an insurance company processing claims until I graduate from the program in December 2006(I have a 3.8 GPA, and barely study, because i already know everything covered, amazing that I could not demonstrate this aptitude to my professors).

I am going to become a lawyer, and a great one at that. I no longer look at my experience as my one great chance to get out of the hood and give my kids a better life than me (i have two kids now, a three year old and seven-month old), but just a trial that i had to endure. I am only 26, but i will not be entering law school again until i am 28 in august 2007, because i plan on buying a house close to the law school i will be attending. So in the meantime I work about 70 hours between both of my jobs and take about 15 credit hours a semester for my paralegal degree.

Just dont give up if this what you really want to do, I could talk more about how my friends got shafted at Cooley and Regent, but if you really want to become a lawyer you will make it I believe. I spoke with the Dean of Admissions at the law in North Carolina that I plan on attending and I will have to retake the LSAT and stuff but do you really think that you will not be prepared and better after going through it once already? Plus this law school is only about 3,000 a year for tuition and has an exensive network along the east coast.

One more word of advice, most people dont know this but if your professoer is really awful you can transfer into another person's class just like in undergrad, although if you ask the admin they are going to lie to youa nd try to make you stay in his/her class.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

[Mickey]

Squirl:

3.17??? Have you any idea how many people would KILL for that type of law school GPA? You're in good shape; I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

[Mitch]

What do you guys think about a 3.0 GPA in the first sem?

[Depressed!]

Can one of the upper class students or someone else with experience give me an honest appraisal of a 2.76 in the first semester? I want to transfer schools next year, I NEED to transfer schools next year, and now I feel like I will be stuck at this lousy school. PLEASE BE HONEST!

[The Real LW]

On Dec 5 05 at 1:21 AM, another blogger posted stating their sad story about the trials and tribulations of attending Law School in Louisana. NOTE: THAT IS NOT ME AND I WOULD NEVER SPEAK ABOUT MY LAW SCHOOL EXPERIENCE IN THAT MANNER, IF ANOTHER STUDENT CAN GET AN A GRADE IN CONTRACTS THEN I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS EXCEPT THAT I NEED TO HAVE BETTER CONTACTS SO I CAN BUY MYSELF AN A LETTER GRADE. Outside of that how about we all just get along and stop complaining about GPA's, because some of us will not practice law or will suck at practicing law and bow out leaving room for the rest of us. %To anyone that has messages that concern the 1:21AM blog, please do not address them to me

Sincerely,

LW

P.S. When I make the statements about some of us practicing and some of us not it is true and I know from firsthand personal knowledge. I attend law school in Boston, MA and I personally know a girl that went to an ABA school and has tried to take the bar 4 times and has yet to pass it and a state prosectutor that likes being a prosecutor, because of the security of knowing every two weeks he will get a paycheck, these types of people leave room for people like myself the risk takers that do not mind working in a firm or hanging our own shingle.

[J]

BA, I think I know the school you're considering. The school has a C/C- curve that is extremely frustrating. The administration is iffy. It's probably going to be frustrating there as well. From the looks of things it's an ardous experience whether you have a good or poor GPA because the school doesn't market itself well.

In my observation it's not so much the school develops successful lawyers than it gives an opportunity to highly motivated individuals that other schools passed on in order to protect their rankings and prestige. It's understandable for top schools to protect their rep, so I won't rant about it, even though I see problems in the manner this is achieved.

Law school is probably frustrating wherever you are unless you're doing exceedingly well, which is probably the case with anything. Grades are important. Not important in that everything rides on grades but important that grades are significiant in having more control over your options. People like to have control over their lives and don't like uncertainty.

Generally, law school grades are a representation of one time pressured performance derived from an evaluation relative to one's peers that all came into law school at different pole positions. Just because something is considered representative doesn't mean it accurately reflects who you are. We're all probably didn't write perfect exams, which no one can. But what is outrageous is that effort doesn't reliably correlate to better grades and the lack of those grades subjects us to significant rejection from employers and the law school itself.

We could all, no matter school or rank, benefit from improving our writing and skill. However, a sizable number of us are almost reprimanded for not doing better when we gave what we thought was our best. It also stings when people's ability become associated with these grades when we all know what we accomploshed prior to attending law school.

Crossing through the magic portal into law school doesn't change anything about our ability or intellect but the law school environment does everything it can to make peoplpe feel insecure. You have to be almost Zen like.

What makes me angry are employers and law school members that treat you like a leper because you don't have the best grades. Especially, when they know only a small number of people ever achieve all the revered accolades of law school and continue to the glamorized Big Law or Federal Court life. This is probably doubly damning if you didn't attend a good undergraduate school. We have to re-evaluate our sense of entitlement and accept our flaws but the schools should stop lording over us as if dignity is a carrot on a stick. There's way too many people with the attitude that they're doing us a favor instead of them doing their job as a teacher or service provider.

Real LW, I think you're being unfair to proseutors. Of course they practice law. I'm sure they have a variety of good reasons for choosing that path. Also, I think sending a notorious drug dealer or murderer to prison takes more guts than setting up private practice.

[Marrianne]

I was ruled academically ineligible in December 2005 from my first year at law school. I did a dumb thing I worked 50 hours a wk and went to school part/time I should have just borrowed more student loan money and I didn't.
I went before committee but they didn't want to listen to me at all and just ask me to leave.
What schools can I applied to now?
I have learned my lessons and have been hording any money I make and will really devote my time to school this time around. One school told me I had to sit out two yrs...is that true? I need to start school again..please help, any suggestions are welcomed I really want to be a lawyer.

[Cay]

I go to a top teir Ivy League law school, and the only reason I came here over other schools was because of the name. Unfortunately, the name hasn't gotten employers to look past my 2.7 first year (that's right, year, not semester) GPA. I totally screwed up my first year, and while, some students complain of bad first semester grades with some improvement their second semester, my grades actually plummeted after my second semester. I am a second year student now, and my grades after my first semester, second year have improved dramatically. However, I can't help but feel as if the improvement came too little, too late. Is there anyone out there who has advice for someone whose second semester grades were worse than her first? I certainly feel as if I have to explain myself to employers, but I don't want to sound like I am making excuses.

[Your face]

I just bombed my Contracts final. UCC 2-207 can go fuck itself.

[Speculation]

Okay, so here is the skinny. I hate my school. HATE IT. find it unchallenging, boring and the dynamics remind me of high school. Excuses aside. I just royally fucked up on one of the easier exams here--and to top it off, I needed a solid high grade in it to prevent myself from flunking out-because I screwed up last semester by hating school so much. When I say fucked up I mean-recognized the issue on the major essay portion..then failed to write on it. Yup. I think I just wrote my ticket out of here--any advice on how to move forward and prepare for my last exam would be great.

[Becky Dupont]

Yep, me too. Always blow it on issue-spotting, even though I swear I know it all going into the exam. I normally get a C in my 4 credit class due to nerves, then average a B+ between my other classes... leaving me precarioulsy at or below a 3.0. I'm screwed. Just wanna drop out at this poing. Plus, I look at law clerk jobs to do during school next year and I have NO INTEREST. Why the frack did I even decide to go?!?

[Nancy Drew]

You will hear conflicting stories - it does matter, it doesn't matter, it depends (typical legal answer). Truly, in the end what matters is passing the bar. Now, I must admit I did graduate in the top 10% of my class. I was actually 3rd in my class after my first semester but when I thought I had to keep my grades up, they started coming down until I quit caring again. The fact is - being in the top 10% didn't help me one bit. Why? Because I was over 30. Yes, AGE matters to the big firms, if that's what you want to do. No one I know over the age of 30 who was in the top of the class got any offers from any big law firm? Why, because we can't easily be led into believing sacrificing life for career is the ultimate goal of life. They want lambs for the slaughter - youthful faces passing straight from high school to undergrad to law school with little to no work experience.

Of my colleagues, the happiest one with the best business who I foresee will be on the cover of a business women's magazine someday also had one of the lowest gpas of all my friends - bottom half of the class. Another, who barely passed legal writing with a D both semesters, is in court all the time trying cases and sits part time as a juvenile judge. He makes more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime. Bottom 25% of the class.

Colleague in the top 5% of the class - just lost her chance to become partner by getting pregnant. Which hardly matters, as a female in a large law firm she has had a tough time getting a mentor and constantly gets screwed over on the plumb assignments.

So, don't worry so much about the grades. Worry about your age and gender - because in spite of the constant attempt at "equal opportunity for all" - it is still a well-written fiction.

[RLee]

Thank you all who have commented on these threads. They have inspired me many late nights when I should've been actually studing instead of worrying that things will get better. I am in need of some advice however. My grades have been okay, but I got an offer for a really cool internship- one that I actually think I'll enjoy, but I fear how it will look on my resume. Let's just say if I was in an interview with anyone not liberal, they wouldnt agree on the policy behind the place I want to have an internship with. any advice?

[colobikeguy]

I just got some of my grades for law school. My grades are: B in Criminal Law, C+ in Torts, C+ in Contracts, B in Legal Writing, and unknown at this time in Property. Funny thing is that I DID NOT study for Criminal Law and I studied hard for Contracts and Torts. Well, let me qualify that: I read a bunch of case briefs for Criminal Law on a bus for about thirty minutes.

I believe and hope to understand the fellow above that started living life outside of law school and started making good grades. I am just wondering why this may be true. Perhaps it helps with issue spotting and reasoning if you look at exams with the uncluttered, open-eyed naivete. In a weird sort of way, this is reassuring.

I am legally blind, half deaf, work full time, have a family, and go to a top 20 law school in the evenings. Because of my blindness, I have already accepted that I am not going to be reach partnership in a big law firm. I probably won't even get hired. That is okay.

I am lucky in that I have BSME and MSEE degrees, work at a small law firm as a patent agent, and have a part time job as an free lance editor. So I have two career paths that are open at this time.

I think the reason why I got the B in legal writing was my verbal arguments in moot court. Also, I really enjoyed it. Hence, I am going to start networking into becoming a trial lawyer.

I also love writing when it is something other than a 3 hour verbal vomit into a crappy blue book. I love revising, editing, and making something new.

Some philosophical comments: life is bigger than you, partnership at a big law firm, a mercedes, fake boobs for your mistress, etc.

To find some words of encouragement, read Delaney's first chapter in his book on "How To Do Your Best on Law School Exams". His critique of law schools is brilliant and well deserved.

Some comments for law schools that kick out the lower curved. Who are you to say that they do not deserve to be attorneys? That is for the bar and free market to decide. You should quit shifting blame to the students that may not 'get it' in the first year or semester and take responsibility for the product you produce, which everyone agrees is crap.

I wish everyone here the best. Keep in mind, there are plenty of successful people out there who never even received a college degree.

[Sarah]

I wanted to give a word of encouragement to all of your disenchanted law students, or former law students reading. Everyone has a story, so I will try not to make mine too long.

I graduated from a high ranking state university with a 3.7 GPA and scored a 162 on the LSAT. I took a year off to work as substitute teacher, and apply to law schools. It was weird being a teacher to teenagers just 4 or 5 years younger than me, and the fact that Im a small framed, short stature woman didn’t help much. I got into several great 2nd tier law schools. I ended up accepting a prestigious full scholarship at a 2nd tier law school in a small southern town, that had a reputation for placing many of its top tier students in top tier law firms in major metropolitan areas (like Atlanta, Birmingham, Houston, etc) across the South. I went to law school with such high expectations for myself, and with the expectations of everyone in my family. No one in my family has ever been to law school and few of them have even been to college. I worked hard, studied how I thought I was supposed to study, and thought I was going to make it. I got called on and drilled and grilled in class on at least two occasions. One of them the Civ Pro prof seemed to be in a particularly foul mood and while I was standing there, got right in my face and asked “are you stupid or do you just not care?”. The other time, my property professor asked me to leave the room when I was only prepared to answer questions about 3 of the 7 cases she had assigned for class that day. She made me brief every case for every class, then bring them by her office every morning to show her for approval. Needless to say, I was completely degraded, but I thought I had thick enough skin and could take it. But I let my need for approval direct me into getting into an ill advised relationship with an undergraduate guy I met while I was in law school. He was younger than me, and probably not as mature as I needed him to be. I spent way too much time with him, especially on Friday and Saturday nights, going out to eat, going to bars, etc. I have never really been a big partier in undergraduate, because I only turned 21 just before I graduated and I had been a rather low key partier. I thought that If I just worked hard Sunday through Thursday night, with late night cramming study sessions I would be fine for class the next day. Balancing the demands of the first relationship I had been in in three years and law school was exhausting. But as final exams approached, I buckled in, and crammed hard for exams which came during the beginning of November, because we were on the quarter system. After exams, I thought I had survived and made it through the fire, and we went back to the grind of class.

Three days before we got out of class for Christmas break, the grades started trickling in. I got a C in Contracts. Not what Id hoped for. Then the bombshell hit. “F” in Civ Pro and Property. Not One F but TWO. I saw both of the grades posted online on the same day. My GPA was toast. In one quarter I had dealt such a blow to my grades, that my scholarship had already been lost. I was literally devastated. I drove out to a town lake at night and cried my eyes out all night. I had never had a serious history of depression, but I honestly thought about suicide. Thinking back about that night, Im still shocked at how completely destroyed I thought my life was. I talked to my mother and my father all night, and I was completely at a loss. In the morning I went into the asst academic deans office at the law school and talked to them about the situation. She said if I withdrew from law school, and forfeited the remainder of my scholarship for that year, I wouldn’t have to pay the first quarter back. I agreed, and I signed the papers to withdraw. I went home and packed my car up with a bunch of clothes and everything else, and left town that day, headed home. That was the most miserable Christmas break I’ve ever had, worse to me personally, than the Christmas right after my parents had divorced just a few years before. I didn’t know what I would do, and I felt like a complete failure. How could I have missed the mark so completely. I had been an all As and Bs student in college, and it was completely unfathomable that I could screw up everything so completely.

That following spring I worked part time at a pet store, and tried to overcome the feeling of complete and utter failure. I drank heavily and chain smoked constantly. In fact, I had only been a social smoker through high school and college before that spring after I flunked out of law school, but I smoked so much and so often, that I got myself completely addicted and two years later I’m still smoking nearly two packs per day. I was extremely depressed, and went to see a psychiatrist on several different occasions within two months of flunking out to see if I had something permanently messed up with my head. The Psychiatrist recommended making a new goal for myself and pursuing it.

So, after nearly two months of feeling like I was in the pits of hell, I checked the deadline on the 3rd tier state law school on my home state, and saw that I had 7 days to apply. After thinking long and hard about it for one more day, I decided to get to it. I filled out the online application, and edited and reused my application essays from the previous year. But I added an “explanation” essay, that explained how I had messed up at the previous law school. I didn’t hide anything about going to see a psychiatrist or the ill advised relationship or the fact that I was completely unprepared for law school, despite their awarding me of a wonderful scholarship at the law school I attended. I called the admissions office at my 3rd tier state school and arranged for an interview with an associate dean of admissions later that spring. The interview was scheduled for early March, and I made arrangements to go down and face the very real possibility of rejection. I arrived at the state law school several hours early, and I killed time by nervously pacing in the parking lot and around the block, chain smoking the whole time. By the time I got to the interview, my leather pumps had rubbed blisters on the backs of my heels because I was not wearing hose and I had smoked what had to have been a full pack of cigarettes. Im sure as I limped in to the interview, reeking of cigarette smoke, I was the very picture of a frail minded, nervous wreck of a young woman trying to put her life back together. I thought I tanked the interview, I thought I talked too fast, over explained everything and generally came across as a total nutcase. In the weeks that followed the interview I continued my incessant chain smoking, my degrading work at the pet store, and I tried to mentally prepare myself for the next round of rejection. I talked to my aunt who worked in real estate in Houston, and began to seriously think about trying to get my realtor’s license after I got rejected from the state law school, which I expected to happen at any time.

Then, in the middle of April, near tax day, I got the acceptance letter from my 3rd tier state law school. I was ecstatic and completely thrilled. Sure, it was a step down from the 2nd tier private school I had been at, but it was A law school, and I had been given my second shot. I continued to work the rest of the summer and wait with total anticipation for my 2nd law school experience to start. I knew I would work not only harder, but “work smarter” to find a way to study and outline more effectively, so that I would be damn sure I passed every exam put in front of me in the future.

… That was two years ago. I’ve just finished my 2nd year of law school at the state university, and my grades are mediocre, but acceptable. Im just inside the top half of my class, and Im not in danger of flunking out … again … anytime soon. Its been a rocky road, with some high points and some low points. I have had the thrill of getting the high A in my torts class, and the ‘scared out of my wits’ feeling when I nearly failed property … again, before making out with a C minus. But I have overcome the dark days of my first law school experience and now I simply LOVE the state law school I’m at now. Its still tough and competitive, and there are still many late night cramming sessions with just me, my law books, a pot of coffee and a pack of cigarettes… but Im happy there. Of course, being at a 3rd tier state law school I don’t get fantastic job offers from big firms in the major metro areas of the south. But I did get a summer internship working at a small law firm in my hometown. Its not a ridiculously high salary, but its decent and its really fulfilling to have finally feel like Ive made it over the mountain. I know I still have one year to go, and that the bar will await me at the end of that road. I know I still carry scars, mentally that is, from flunking out of law school the first time – and Im still hopelessly addicted to cigarettes, but I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel for everyone…. Sarah.