My Ears Are Burning

So Milbarge and I have exchanged a few emails about the nature of crushes on people in blogland.  Although he hasn't responded to my latest email, he's clearly been mulling the subject over, on BTQ and Crescat Sententia.  He wonders whether it's crazy or silly to get blog crushes.  When he has such flattering things to say about me, it's hard to quibble or object. 

Myself, I've been thinking about crushes and the point at which crushes turn into actual attempts at some kind of two-way interactions.  The whole point of a crush is that it's a one-way, safe-distance admiration, a fantasy that requires little from the object of the crush except a continued frame upon which you can stretch an imagined romantic persona.  Blog land is a great place for crushes, I think.  There's a sense of lightness to a crush (defined here as "the temporary love of an adolescent")  that is belied by the other meanings of the word: to overwhelm with pressure and weight, to oppress or burden grievously.  The whole point of a crush is that it is unencumbered by practicality. 

But I think the interesting project of actually taking the germ of a fantasy crush and converting it into a relationship between flesh-and-blood people who are no longer projections but instead have pesky details and needs and logistics to contend with is a different thing.  Sometimes when I say I have a crush I mean: I like the kind of safe-distance daydreams this person inspires in me.  Other times when I say I have a crush I mean: hmmm, I'm intrigued by this fella and I wonder how or whether we might fit into one another's honest-to-god lives and I think I'm going to pay attention and see what I can learn. 

Maybe those second things aren't properly called crushes, or maybe the distinction doesn't matter so much.  And maybe I'm just feeling weary and practical after circling around with my Old Flame and concluding that we're not able to fit gracefully into one another's honest-to-god lives.  My romantic aspirations right now are pretty simple: find someone I love to be with.  Which to me means finding someone I think I might love to be with, and then observing, in a whole lot of situations and contexts, whether I do.  Maybe a blog crush can help you find someone you think you might love to be with.  But the second step, trying it out in real life and noticing how you feel, is prohibitively hard if you're hundreds of miles away from your crush.  So I think blog crushes are wonderful as passive one way daydream inspirations, but probably silly as the seeds of real romance.   

Anyone who has a blog crush on me, however, is hereby invited to take me out to dinner to convince me I am mistaken in this regard. 

Comments

[John P.]

I've had several phone crushes, but never a blog or email crush. I think I need to hear what a person sounds like to develop a crush.

Never had a crush develop into a love affair, although I have had several develop into great friendships.

[wingsandvodka]

Men are retarded.

That is all.

[B]

Is a blog crush a prerequisite for a dinner date?

If So I will try hard to develop one.

For now I am just Hungry.

There is not enough room to write all the thoughts of turning fantasy in to reality. In fact thinky people study this stuff all thier lives and write volumes about it. I read a book about it once and developed a crush on the author. Back cover photo was hot.

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