Playing With Dolls

Okay, so permit me to mess around with a metaphor here as I think something through. Remember how I mentioned Rockstar Charisma Barbie, an aspect of my personality that comes out at parties or conferences or social gatherings -- the person who can work the room, attract interesting people and get them talking to one another, make people feel like things are fun, like there's a shared secret or purpose, like they're hanging with the cool kids? I don't want to mischaracterize or overestimate the power of Rockstar Charisma Barbie -- she's not universally appealing, she doesn't always come out, I know people who are far more charismatic in many situations, etc. But there is a kind of social influence and leadership I wield sometimes that I don't fully understand or intend, and that comes out when Rockstar Charisma Barbie is on scene.

Well, besides Rockstar Charisma Barbie, I have some other characters in my toy box. There's Academic Success Barbie, for example. And Outdoor Delight Barbie. Sailor Barbie. Writer Barbie. Curiousity Barbie.

Always in the past, I've been rewarded externally for the things I do when I'm playing with Academic Success Barbie. So pretty much automatically I've figured she was what I should sell as I go looking for my next job. She's going to be the breadwinner in the family, right? She's the one that matters most to the world.

But I'm noticing that I get a lot more pleasure and fun from playing with some of the others. It's recently been occurring to me that Rockstar Charisma Barbie might be a pretty good breadwinner, herself, if I could figure out how and in what worlds she might be put to commercial use. I'm still too scared to send Writer Barbie out as the front woman. Because my dad is a sailmaker and I've seen close up the sacrifices and difficulties of that, I've stayed away from the idea of having Sailor Barbie bring home the bacon, although I've always, always loved teaching people about boats and the water. And Curiosity Barbie probably isn't even a true Barbie -- maybe it's Curiosity Skipper, tugging on the coatsleeves of the various Barbies and asking them questions about what they're doing, always wanting a Barbie to explain the obvious or drive her in the pink Corvette across town where she can try something new or kooky. I think Curiosity Skipper's best friend is Writer Barbie, although all of them take care of her.

Obviously, the gang brings a bunch of supporting talents to whichever Barbie gets hired. But it's perhaps a bit of a mental block that it's never occurred to me before now that anyone other than Academic Success Barbie might be what I present to the world. And, truth be told, I'm a little bored with Academic Success Barbie.

Comments

[Tokyo]

Oh my god this is so true. I love that you can put these things into words for me. Although perhaps I'll want to name my alter egos with something slightly more... masculine than barbie.

But maybe not.

Are you sure you don't want to return to private practice. Rockstar Charisma Barbie just might be Rainmaker Barbie.

[Amy]

Clever Barbie!

Funny, just the other day I was leaving the house with my camera, notebook and pen, tossed a new black blazer on over my black turtleneck and khakis and I was suddenly aware of an image I was projecting for myself and others... "Here goes Reporter Barbie!" I said.