15 Things: I Am A Writer

Since I've been blogging I've learned how much writing matters to me.  I've always liked it and done it.  I've always had people tell me I'm a good writer.  It's one of the few things I can say I'm good at without getting all squirmy and self-deprecating.  I'm a good writer.  I'm a better editor, but I can write.   The feedback I get from you, my readers, has helped me when I doubt this.  Thanks for telling me you like my writing.  It really matters to me.  In fact, I have a secret folder on my computer where I keep the nice things that people have said to me about my writing.  I look there if I forget, and need encouragement, or if I just want to feel like the queen of the world. 

Since I started blogging I've realized how much I need to write.  It helps me figure things out.  It puts me in touch with my thoughts.  It freezes moments and lets me savor them.   I get crabby if I don't write, and fidgety if I don't write for a couple of days.  I'm annoyed if I get interrupted while I'm writing.  Writing makes me notice the world -- I look at something and think about how I would describe it -- is it green? brown? the color of mud? the color of moss? Is it opaque?  I look harder at things, I see them more clearly, because I have the habit of writing.  I like what it does for my outlook.   

I have a fair amount of emotional baggage about writing.  Blogging is an easy way for it to be part of my life.  I feel sheepish and embarrassed about saying that, because of course blogging isn't real writing. 

Blogging isn't serious, or hard.  These little posts I write aren't polished or refined.  But I've become a better writer by doing them. I've learned a great deal about my voice and what I like in the writing of others.  I see my impulse to show off in my writing, to embellish or overburden or contrive or wordsmith, and I fight daily to write in an honest and clean voice, to strip away as much pretense as I can.  I want you to trust me when you read what I say, not be struck by my artfulness.  Of course, blogging is a lazy kind of writing -- there's no discipline to my post lengths or the tone or the day's subjects.  There's no coherent thread of structure or narrative or theme here.  It's completely self-indulgent.  This blog for me is a writing practice, like a yoga practice, that limbers me up and makes me feel at ease.  The gimmicks I do here -- All Requests or Google Day posts -- are not only kind of fun ways to relate to my audience, but also writing assignments.  Drills.  I like trying to write about something that wasn't my idea, and having to figure out my angle on the subject and how to make it mine. 

Over the past 18 months, I've gotten brave enough to say I want to write more seriously, in forums beyond this blog.  I don't know what that means, exactly -- whether I want to try to write fiction (I don't think so) or magazine articles or essays or who knows what.  And it still terrifies me to say it out loud -- I'm not pure enough, not talented enough, not serious enough to call myself a Writer.  But I'm trying to figure that out.  I've got a couple of friends who I've asked to be my writing coaches, to help me set goals and structure projects so I can learn what I like and how to do what doesn't come naturally, how to be a better writer, how to be more disciplined, how to show my writing to someone who might want to publish it somewhere other than here.  I could use more coaches, and more cheerleaders.  I'm trying to weave more serious or rigorous writing goals into my life without putting enormous pressure on myself to Achieve Big Things.  It's not easy.

Comments

[boo]

You are a good writer, but I don't see your ambitions in the same light as you do.

Back when I had no marketable skills, I had to write little magazine articles for a living, and the words of Hunter S. Thompson never rang truer:

"I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like f*ck*ng, which is only fun for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling."

[Jodi]

I'm so glad to know that there are more of us out there! I've been trying to figure out how law school/being a lawyer fits in with being a writer. Can I be both? Am I brave enough to call myself a writer? Thank you for putting words to the thoughts I've had so often.

[a]

check your comments again. you have lots of cheerleaders!

[energy spatula]

You are so brave! I can only hope one day I'm able to get there...I think you're a role model to a lot of us struggling with these same questions in our lives.

[Dan]

I use my website and blog as forums for writing... and even though I've never thought of myself as a writer, I have found myself in the unusual position of writing a book.

[Susan]

You seem to be a great specialist in this sphere. At least what you write surely deserves attention. I'd like you to have a look at my creation rapidshare SE for( http://www.rapidsharemix.com ) and say what you really think about it. Thanks!