Belated Request: Climbing Out of Ruts

A left this request:

I was trying to think up and post a question about breaking out of ruts. And the mental hurdles in lots of open doors but no strong preference of which to go through. Or the time and type of energy required to figure it out. Maybe because of halloween I can phrase it thusly: What are some good ways to build wings?

Hmmm. 

I think part of this is about committing yourself to being brave and as truthful as you can.  Don't hold yourself in.  I think the secret to that approach is to think of this life as an experiment, the purpose of which is to create something that fits you as much as possible.  It's actually pretty easy to make money, or to make friends, or to keep up with the Joneses.  You can go back to doing that later.  For now, work on the hard stuff of figuring out how to be yourself as fully as possible. 

Hang on, I need to disclaim my ability to answer the question, first.  I don't think I have wings yet.  But I do feel like I'm not in a cage.  Maybe I'm like those cage free chickens you read about on the organic egg packages.  Not exactly soaring like an eagle, but at least I can wander around where I like and peck at things that interest me.  Not wondering what's outside the cage or feeling uncomfortably aware of the places where the bars rub and bind me. 

Ok, back to the advice.  I think part of this is about trying things and noticing what you like and what you don't.  I think the biggest part is not the trying, although that does require some boldness, but rather the noticing.  I've spent a lot of time getting really sensitive about how things affect me.  Not sensitive as in touchy, but sensitive as in, I notice everything and store up the data points.  Another part of noticing is being receptive to patterns in the data points, even the ones that you don't like.  There's a lot of things I've noticed about myself that aren't what I would have chosen for myself.  I don't WANT to want to be a writer.  It would be a lot easier to really WANT to be a corporate lawyer.  But I can't help noticing the signs that suggest what I actually want, even when it's inconvenient.  So, first step is try a lot of things, and keep stretching into things that you don't know what you think about.  And second step is notice how they make you feel, even when that is different than how you think you SHOULD feel.  This step is hard.  You're going to fight it a lot.  I suppose we could break this step down a lot more.  The essence of this step is to tell the truth, somewhere, to someone who loves who you really are, not who you think you're expected to be.  If you have a friend or a correspondent or a diary or an anonymous weblog, or some place to tell the inconvenient truth, you'll get better and better at this noticing and responding to your true compass. 

And third step is to start doing more and more things that are true to how you actually feel rather than how you think you're supposed to feel.  This part is kind of easy once you've gotten into the habit of telling the truth to someone and noticing the things that tug on you and the difference between those things and the things you're doing because you said you would or because your friends or your boss or some magazine you've been reading expect you to.   

Comments

[Harry]

Awesome advice! I love reading your website. It gives me courage to face the truth that I am due for a career change.

[a]

I knew your law school training would help for a great response.

I appreciate that you explain not only What you've done, but smaller substantiating steps with How you try to do so.

When explaining things, I often think back to law school where a simple answer would never do - the socratic professor always asking back "Why?" in a series of deeper explanations, ones you aren't used to otherwise considering.