My Love Life Is None Of Your Business

Which is not an admission that I have any sort of love life at all.  But if I did, I would be well within my rights to keep it to myself. 

Yesterday stretched me in some strange ways.  I was told that I come across as completely inaccessible for dating.  Hmm.  It might be true.  I realized that I'm downright terrible at reading the signals of the opposite sex.  Somehow I used to think I was good at it.  Have I lost the skill, or did I never have it?  I discovered that my best friends would really like me to date someone I hadn't seriously considered.  Their advocacy is compelling me to reexamine.  Meanwhile the guy I'd secretly hoped would one day come back and propose to me called to tell me he just proposed to someone else.  Congratulations!  That's great news!  Uh oh, bad cellular signal.  Call you later!

I don't think I'll ever figure out romance.  Too hard.  I think I'll just try to get a cute haircut and sit alone at a bar reading a novel.  Sending out inaccessible vibes. 

Comments

[l.]

For what it's worth, I think you're the girl guys really want. It's obvious that you're totally girlfriend material (which probably weeds out some of the jerks who are just trying to hit on someone). And I think waaaaaay more people than you think probably have had or still nurse HUGE crushes on you.

[l.]

I found this link to some dating theories that the girly girls sort of know because they've been through a lot more guys. I have friends who are brains, too, and it seems like y'all are so sincere and used to things making sense that you miss some of the games. Anyway, I'm a girlygirl, but I enjoyed thinking about this post. And now I feel like a dork because you brainy types are just going to say you're above the games - this blog is so good for me but sometimes it makes me feel so dumb! Anyway...

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=44784&subForumID=102176&action=viewTopic&commentID=4582362&topicPage=

[ms. f]

This post hits home. Still, I don't think romance can ever be figured out. That's the part that's hard and fun and challenging and rewarding about relationships--figuring out each new person, what they mean, what they want, balancing between putting yourself out there and protecting yourself from bewildering hurt.

I think we all jump forward and then retreat from these things in a dance with ourselves. I've always felt that it's important to give yourself time to do the do-si-do on your own timeline.

If retreat sounds good, then retreat, and wait until stepping forward feels good again.

[KJ]

I can tell from your writing that you're totally not clueless. You’re great at working things out, at articulating your feelings. You are incredibly insightful, subtle, and emotionally intelligent... gifts that make you not-so-clueless in my book. So I think you're radar is working just fine. Be gentle with yourself right now.

[pjm]

...and, if you had to change yourself to become "accessible" or "tuned in," would you like yourself any better?

Becoming more self-aware, sure. Using that self-awareness to compromise? Beware.

[MT]

Meanwhile the guy I'd secretly hoped would one day come back and propose to me called to tell me he just proposed to someone else.

Ow.

[PG]

completely inaccessible for dating

Which is a good distinction to remember, as you seem like a very accessible person for other kinds of relationships: daughter, friend, teacher, co-worker. I wonder if it's because you give people such warm vibes in these other ways that they feel like the "accessible for dating" one is overshadowed. Maybe what you intend as flirtatious is sometimes read as just you being the really nice friendly person you are.

[crystal]

I think you have the skill but it doens't really shows :) Sometimes, it is really hard to tell the chances of love. Hard to recognize even when it is n front of us already. But don't worry because it will come and you will feel it and it will never be too early or too late. It will come at the right time and at the right place. But anyway, i know you can handle it very well because you are aware with how you feel and is sensitive.

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