All Request Day: Sacrifices for Career/Life Satisfaction

Someone named Ash sends in this request:

I would like to read your thoughts about the compromises/sacrifices one has to make to achieve career satisfaction &/or lifestyle satisfaction.

Ash contrasts corporate lawyers, who s/he characterizes as "seduced by the cash/lifestyle" but unsatisfied by the work, with "poor public interest attorneys who love their work but can't afford a satisfying/mobile lifestyle."  How to choose, indeed?

This question strikes me as a little bit tedious, because it's been treated so often and in so many places that I'm not sure what I can add.  I'll start by pointing out that I think Ash is not looking at all the right factors.  And is equating "cash" and "lifestyle" when there's more complexity than that.   I get what you're chasing, Ash, but I think you're starting in the wrong place.  Let's get a little more basic than that. 

Let's list the features of a happy life.  I can only speak for myself, of course.

1) It needs to be healthy.  That means, you regularly get enough sleep.  You can afford, both timewise and moneywise, to eat nourishing, flavorful food that you like.  You get enough exercise.

2) You are able to make, keep, build and maintain significant relationships with people you admire and enjoy.  These can include work and family, but also need to include people who you freely choose and who freely choose you back -- true, unforced and unrushed friendships beyond obligation. 

3) You like where you live, and don't feel beaten down or depressed by your living space.  You also don't have a feeling of battle or oppression in going from your home to your workplace or vice versa.

4) You do something that makes you feel good about yourself: you use your creativity or your brainpower or your soothing personality or all three.  You think what you do makes the world a better place in a clear, demonstrable way.  Your role requires something from you that not everyone could do to achieve it.  In other words, you feel like your unique presence makes a difference to people or a system that you care about.  You should care about it in not in an abstract sense ("we maintain liquidity in the capital markets, which is essential to a healthy economy") but more directly than that.  In other words, you shouldn't have to get intellectual to explain why what you do is good for the world.  It should feel obvious to you.  (Even if it doesn't to other people: e.g. "I teach students at an elite college how to make small sailboats go faster.") 

5) There's room for playful exploration in your life.  This is about going beyond routine, by choice.  It's about learning, but not a pressured kind of learning.  Rather, there's room for you to pursue your interests and become better, more skilled or confident or knowledgeable about things that catch your attention.  I think this is about self-directed growth. 

I can't think of anything else you need to be happy.  If you can get all five things, I posit that you won't care about how much money you have or what your job title is.  And if you can't get all five things, I maintain that you won't care how much money you have or what your job title is.  I think it's entirely possible to build a life where you get all 5 things. 

Although it is reprehensible and baffling to me, there are some career paths that make it really unlikely that you'll get all 5 things.  And there are some geographic places that make it tougher than others.  I would avoid choosing a job that meant regular sleep deprivation, or the inability to exercise regularly and eat nutritiously.  Unfortunately, I understand that many BIGLAW jobs are eliminated by requirement number 1.  I would advise you not to choose those.  Anything that pays so poorly that you can't live in a safe place nearby is something I wouldn't recommend.  Anything that doesn't leave you time to pursue friendships and other interests should be forsaken.   But this still leaves a world of choices.  All I can say is, once you've eliminated the things that will make it hard to have all 5 things, you can't choose wrong. 

Comments

[MT]

What about life being a struggle to survive and considering ourselves lucky to have any one of those things, not to mention potable water and indoor plumbing? Not that I don't prefer your take above.

[Littoral]

I must be a soft old romantic - but doesn't a relationship/love get a look in on your list?

[FXKLM]

I honestly can't think of anything I would rather do than work to maintain liquidity in the capital markets. I find that much more personally fulfilling than public interest work. I'd rather do corporate work on a public interest lawyer's salary than public interest work on a corporate lawyer's salary any day.

[The Happy Feminist]

I think the list only includes the necessities for happiness. Romantic love is nice but I don't think it's a necessity.

[Littoral]

Ooh. There's a divergent path, then. I wouldn't be happy without my Sweetie. He'd come top of my list of things.

[MT]

Romantic love can lead to sex and kids and piles of non-romantic love. Or so the wise persons say.

[bob]

I think romantic love, and the possible kids that follow can be lumped into category #2. That said, I imagine for a lot of people that category is the most important. The less time you're at work, the more time you can spend with your significant other and children. On the other hand, once you have children, you'll want to be able to provide nice things for them, which requires $. So, there's a tough balance between what is best for your family (and what will make you feel better about what your relationship), more money or more of your time.

[The Happy Feminist]

Don't mean to imply that one's spouse or significant other may not be hugely important. But I think people can be happy without such a relationship.

[atlas]

I think Cindy Lauper got it right. Money changes everything.
"who can you trust?
I’ll tell you: It’s just,
Nobody else’s money"

Having people around your bed when you die is also up there. I can not see a solitary life being fufilling. Not in a modern love/romance movie way, but more like progeny. It is an instinct that cannot be beaten back by logic,economics,or lofty goals of self fufillment.

So money,spouse,and babies.

[l.]

Amazing! Incredible job on this one. You have to try to get it published even more widely. So much career advice out there is dumb. These are the real quality of life factors that most peope ignore in favor of some constant struggle to be ever more impressive. (This counts for the nonprofit crowd too - I've met so many people who have the same one-upping bugaboo as the materisltic set in just a slightly different form). You are so cool Scherzy!

[Marilyn]

Jill was right...brilliant.

[Jen]

Nice job. I think what you're talking about here is direct antithesis of what they pound into you in law school, which is a shame. I'm in the middle of studying for finals (I'm a 2L) but I still took time out last night to go to my niece's Sweet 16 surprise party. I HAD TO SEE MY FAMILY, even though I can look foward to Wills and Trusts AND Fed/State Con Law finals next week (3 hours each, closed-book, plenty of fun). I got energy from hanging out with them.

Thank God I'm not a top student who's looking to work in a big firm. I still often find I'm in a fight to accomplish most of the items on your list these days but I'm trying. I am prone to depression at times, which makes it harder, so I just have to remember all I can do is my best, and that overall I have it pretty good.

BTW, I have a wonderful husband who quizzes me on my outlines and doesn't roll his eyes if I forget a rule or draw a total blank. He just gives me a hug and reminds me about how much I DO know. Law school (and life) would be a million times worse without him so I second those who are calling for extra consideration for all the benefits derived from "romantic love."

I like your blog a lot, thanks for putting it out there.

[Lamar Cole]

Romantic love is like a symphony played in the heart.