So I no longer think there's anything that makes me Undateable in a large cosmic sense. I've done some good work on that front. That is not to say, however, that I am easy to date. On a practical level, I am so logistically messy, complicated, and contrarian that I am essentially undateable by all but the most nimble, skilled, and persistent candidates. I have some work to do still. Some of the things that make me ridiculously difficult to date:
- I am too busy. I already have plans. Mmmm, yes, I'm busy then, too.
- I don't particularly want to cancel my plans for you.
- It rarely occurs to me to include you in my plans. And I do so with trepidation if I think it's a date. So complicated! And I'd rather be alone with you. If only there were time.
- See that guy over there I'm flirting with? I'm not interested in him. I'm interested in you, the guy I'm not flirting with. I expect you to understand this, somehow.
- I don't answer my phone all that often, and can't be counted on to return calls. Or emails. I expect you to keep trying. I get disappointed if you don't.
- Sometimes I talk too much. Sometimes I don't talk. Sometimes when I talk I am not very articulate.
- I secretly expect you to do a bunch of old fashioned things (initiate the date and the activity, offer to pick me up, offer me your arm when we walk, etc.) although there is no way for you to know this, and I would claim in a knee-jerk way to be very forward-thinking and feminist.
- If I do start to like you I will immediately make it a priority to uncover something wrong with you, to try to talk myself out of liking you.
- I forget to tell you obvious and important things.
- I'm not sure whether I want to kiss you until I've kissed you.
- I disappear.
- I'm late, and scatterbrained.
- Sometimes I just want to stay at home and read, and I horde those few quiet, available nights because they are so rare, but I am embarrassed about how anti-social that seems so I just act evasive about what I'm doing.
- Sometimes I offer to fix you up with a friend of mine even though I might be interested in you myself, because it seems easier, and would get me out of something complicated.
- If I'm not sure whether it's a date, I assume it's not.
- I act tough but I'm not, really, not at all. If I swear around you it's because I feel vulnerable, and so I'm trying to seem like a toughie.
- Etc. I'm surely forgetting some.
I'm working on this stuff. All of this can be overcome, I'm sure of it. Or some of it, maybe. In the meantime, please persevere. I want you to succeed. It just might not seem like it.