Stay of Execution: Note To Self: Remember This

I think you forget it because sometimes people's vulnerable side can be a off-putting thing to be shown *first and only*; if all that I know about someone is her neediness, I may back away because it's more responsibility than I want. But once someone is an acquaintance, her willingness to show vulnerability is appreciated rather than feared. It becomes a sign of our common humanity. And when someone shows weakness, perhaps unintentionally, and then strongly rebuffs my help, that to me signals that we never will be more than acquaintances, that this person wants only to be known as her happy self, which is never anyone's total self.
I bet most women have had the experience of coming across someone you know crying in the bathroom. The crier who lets you in enough to offer your company, sympathy and/or coverup makeup is someone whom you're more likely to consider a friend. The one who rejects all that and leaves you feeling embarrassed to have walked in on a private moment isn't.

Posted by: PG | July 14, 2006 at 01:37 PM

How can you remember? By consciously learning to put yourself in the other person's shoes. If the roles were reversed and the person came to you the way you would like to go to that person, what would be your reaction? Consciously doing this will cause it to become automatic. This kind of thinking is how I have come out of my personal shell, let down my walls, and learned to have friends. I want people to share with me, so I must share first.

Posted by: Nancy Drew | July 14, 2006 at 08:40 PM

Unfortunately our society seems to emphasize how even the appearance of weakness or vulnerability is somehow wrong and not to be respected. Showing weakness or vulnerabiilty is stigmatized.

Also, I think that we sometimes fear showing weakness or vulnerability and think that it will make us less attractive to our friends or family, as you pointed out.

However, I don't think that either of these ideas is right... We can not be strong all the time, no matter how much we want to be. Also, we all have strengths and weaknesses... none of us is perfect.

Posted by: Dan | July 14, 2006 at 09:27 PM

hi Scheherazade, i recently came across your blog while searching for who knows what (something about the MPRE, probably). i started reading through some of your older posts, about law school, and about practicing law, and i found your advice to be immensely helpful.

so, first, i want to thank you - sincerely - not only from me, but on behalf of any law student who has somehow benefited from your advice (or the advice given in response to your very honest and candid questions).

also, with regard to the topic of this post, well . . . after i read through most of your law-related posts, i started reading the other ones. i came across one in particular that was so raw, it really struck me. (it was this post, if you're curious . . . but the topic might still be a sore subject, so you might not want to refer back to it. i'm not sure, but there it is.)

in any case, i think it's safe to say that in that post, and in others like it, where you admit your weakness, you become human. for me, that says a lot, and it really helps all of us who are physically disconnected from the woman behind the blog.

so, stay human. your readers love you all the more for it. :)

LM

Posted by: law monkey | July 14, 2006 at 09:30 PM