I set myself a secret little challenge on July 31st: to sail every single day in August. I haven't been able to do it (couldn't sail Friday -- no wind, or yesterday -- no time) but I modified it instead to: go on a boat every single day in August. So far, so good.
I think it explains why I'm in a much better mood. I'm still lonely and wistful, longing for partnership. I am still out of balance. I still need to sort out how to earn enough money and how to manage all the physical details of maintaining an old house, a boat, and a car that all need attention. I still need to push my writing projects along in a more directed, focused, and commercially viable way. I still feel sometimes like my reach exceeds my grasp. I still have fragile moments when I feel like I'm not living up to what I wish to be in so many ways. And yet, I feel good, generally. I'm fumbling my way through all these brambles and it's hard work and sometimes it stings, but I feel kind of cheerful about it. That probably doesn't make any sense at all but there you go. And I think it's because of the time I'm spending on boats.
Last night I realized I hadn't been on a boat yet that day. I didn't have very long; I had to feed my dog and then meet with Neighbor and 517 to talk about the ceremony for their wedding (I'm officiating, in 10 days, in case you'd lost track. Yikes!). I was tired and stressed out. I debated with myself whether it was worth taking a treck out to the yacht club and jumping on the launch just to stick to a silly little goal.
And you know what? It was. The water was blue and the sky a kind of velvety lavender-pink. The launch driver was just getting ready to fire the shotgun and take the flag down when I arrived. I waited with him, joking and looking out at the boats in the anchorage and smelling the salty breeze. And I sat on the bow of the launch as we went out and picked up the J/24 racers who had finished for the evening. The launch filled up with friends, who asked me about my mast and complimented me on the article I wrote in a current issue of a sailing magazine and handed me a beer. And as the night turned blue-purple, someone pointed at the huge orange moon peeking over Clapboard Island and I felt both comfort and wonder.
On a boat every day: this makes me feel good.