Google Day: How To Tell if A Guy Doesn't Like You Anymore

So today I am answering queries that brought unknown Googlers to my site.  The first is "how to tell if a guy doesn't like you anymore." 

I've not had much trouble with this one, actually.  Well, that's not completely true.  A little more than a year ago I was dumped and it took me completely by surprise.  I was actually out having drinks with an old friend, filling him in, saying things like, "I think this guy might be The One; it feels really great, I can't wait for you to meet him."  Then I left and The One Who Wasn't The One called and said, "We need to talk," and that was that.  So what do I know?

But generally I'm pretty good at reading this.  He stops calling, or he's not fully present when you're together.  He doesn't want to look you in the eye.  He doesn't want to touch you when you're nearby, or else he jumps your bones with a strange franticness like he's trying to convince himself of something.  He gets squirrelly.  This is the sign -- men express squirrelyness in different ways, so the particular signs vary, but the slightly evasive discomfort with you is a dead giveaway.  They'll often try to come up with some kind of explanation for their behavior that softens it somehow.  He might not have figured out what's going on himself.  But squirrely is the sign that he doesn't like you anymore. 

Now the interesting question is what do you do when you notice this?   I don't believe it can be fixed, so I just walk away, generally at the first sign of squirrel.  As I get older that's easier to do, without blame or dread or moroseness.  (I still fight all those things, of course, but it's much less overwhelming than it used to be.)  Sometimes this requires a forced dump, other times you just need to acknowledge his ambiguity, absolve him of it, and say, "good luck with this, no hard feelings, maybe our paths will cross again someday."  Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't.  It's not your fault that he doesn't like you anymore.  Well, what do I know, it might be your fault.  But there are plenty of reasons he could be confused that aren't much about you at all.  He might never have really liked you at all, or he might be still dating his ex-girlfriend in his head, or he might be trying to pretend he's not gay, or he might be falling for his cute next door neighbor, or who knows?  None of this stuff is your baggage.  Get out.  Who wants to date a squirrel? 

Comments

[wab]

Another squirrel??

I think what you say goes both ways, but as someone who married his first girlfriend what do i know?

[anthony]

Guys usually don't "stop liking" girls. They stop lusting them.

[anthony]

Clicked it too soon, sorry. Or, they get freaked out because girl starts saying things like "oh, this song is like the perfect wedding song. do you like this song?"

[therese]

What about not speculating as to whether he likes you anymore or not, and looking at how you feel when you're with him, and what you need in connection with your feelings. My experience is guys (and women) act distant (which manifests itself in many different ways) for myriad of reasons and it is a waste of time to speculate as to whether he likes you or not. If he's not treating you the way you need to be treated and you're not happy, that is as good a reason as any to stop investing the most valuable thing you have to give (your intimacy) in this guy.

[Lindsey]

I like this boy in school. He's really cute & friendly and nice. He's nice to me, when we talk, but he doesn't talk to me alot. Whenever I feel him looking at me, I look his way, and then he turns away. I think this is a sign he may like me, not dislike me. Please send me an honest answer!

[Scheherazade]

Lindsey, here's my best answer:

http://civpro.blogs.com/civil_procedure/2005/05/help_lindsey.html

[hiba]

I like this (really cute) guy in school. We used to fight alot before and we've continued that for 3 years, but now we're good friends. Actaully it's not only me and him...it's me, him, AND my friend who are good friends together. And i dont know who he actually likes...he's great to both of us and I want to figure out if he likes one of us more than a friend...because i like him i guess. And for some reason my friends say that he only likes me...but im really very confused so please tell me how I can figure this whole mess out!

[Confused]

I am in school with this guy I really like.. problem is I'm married and so is he. He always glances my way, taps my shoulder, smiles and yet at times sends very mixed messages. When he's with his friends he is aloof, when alone with me very friendly.

I know the situation is difficult because we are forbidden to each other because of our marital status. Please tell me how to figure out whether he likes me or not and how to best handle this situation?

Thanks

[Lisa]

I met this guy at the park. We hung out that night, and then the next morning or later that day he got checked into the hospital and he called me while he was in there everyday. We talked every chance he got. Then the next day when he got out he came and picked me up and we went out on a date and then he took me home. We have been hanging out almost daily for 2 1/2 weeks. I never called him and he always called me. Now it seems opposite. But I can never get ahold of him. His bestfriend tells me he still likes me and all this but it seems to me I talk to his bestfriend more than I talk to Josh. What is your imput on this situation.

[Lisa]

I met this guy at the park. We hung out that night, and then the next morning or later that day he got checked into the hospital and he called me while he was in there everyday. We talked every chance he got. Then the next day when he got out he came and picked me up and we went out on a date and then he took me home. We have been hanging out almost daily for 2 1/2 weeks. I never called him and he always called me. Now it seems opposite. But I can never get ahold of him. His bestfriend tells me he still likes me and all this but it seems to me I talk to his bestfriend more than I talk to Josh. What is your imput on this situation.

I dated this guy on and off for about 4 months but in the end we ended up breaking up it totally took me by surprise. And after we broke up it was like he couldn't let it go but he already had another girl. Well i decided 2 go with this guy and didn't tell him..He got extremely mad @ me and told me that he hated me and said some really harsh things 2 me...but since then he calls every now and then..and tells people that he is only calling 2 try and make me mad but i don't really know what he thinks anymore b/c i ususally dont answer his calls b/c i dont want yelled at..Does he hate me or does he not??

Thanks

[Ashley]

First I would like to say i know this guy who has openly admitted feelings for me in the past. Of course I was the first to admit feelings. Anyway, he used to live in my hometown and we went to the same school together before he moved away. It seemed obvious to others that we had interest in each other cause at least one of my friends said that we would make a cute couple. Well he moved away and all our talking is through email and AIM which isnt that often cause he is on the other end of the country. i still get that cloud nine feeling when i do talk to him but im thinking that since he lives so far away (and we havent seen eachother in about two years), the earlier expressed fire between us is dying. someone tell me what I can possibly do.

[Caitlin]

Hey. This might make me seem desperate, but i'm not. I have a boyfriend on the computer, but he hasnt been on in about 3 weeks. Does he still like me? D you think taht he may be seeing somebody else?
Email me please!

[Ashley]

I have a personal trainer that I like. He has been training me for like 5 months. We became friends one night at the gym when my lock broke on my locker and I couldn't get my lock open. Then he became my trainer cause I wanted to lose weight. He is always asking me if I am ok and if I am feeling sad. He knows when I feel sad and he always demands to know what is wrong.He always asks me what i am doing all the time too after I leave the gym and he asked me once if I had any friends of his nationality. Plus too last week this guy I made up with who was nasty to me a few weeks ago me and him started talking again and my trainer saw him with me and my trainer knew about what this guy said and said to me the next day my trainer that he felt like punching him when he saw him with me. My trainer also wanted to punch one of my other friends who he thought was bothering me when he just came over to say hi. And last week when I became angry about something he wanted to know what I was angry about. He was asking me if it was something he did or something somebody else did. Then he is like trying to sneak up on me to look at my face to see I guess if I was crying. He still insisted last week to know but I still did not tell him.He calls me his good friend .Please email me about this

[Sheryl]

well if you don't mind, here's my problem.
me and this guy were falling madly in love and it didn't take us long to start dating. however on the first week of us being together, he initiated a "backtrack"-- to become friends, that is.
I then found out that he has a long-standing issue that has not been resolve. He fears committement and the possibility of hurting the other party. His previous 3 relationships ended this way and he has choosen to end it again with me.
I still like him, we still go out as friends. Yet no longer do we talk as much online, no more phonecalls, no more "let's go for a cuppa". When he is with me and my friends, he will comment about their new dressing style and not mine, he will talk to them and not me.
i don't know if he still likes me, never liked me, or trying to make me stop liking him.

[siiao ger ger]

i really like him .. i fell in love widd him whn i first saw him .. but but ... he likes some1 else ... i am so sad ... he tells me he hates me and i cried .. sad siiao ger ger

[Rochelle]

urmm...i think u r rite...why date a squirrel? he"s not interested in you any more...so why waste your time on him? ah well...although i am onli 14 tis yr..i have seen many squrrels...hahaiz...so gals out there...if a guy is not interested in u...find another one..he will not bother u ani longer..^^ :)

[Steph]

I really like this guy at school, but lately he hasn't been paying me much attention. A few weeks ago we would fool around and laugh, his friend told me that he thought the guy liked me coz he always 'checked me out' My friend also talked to him and said that we would be a great couple and he just went quiet.
I really, really like him but I don't know if I'm wasting my time..

[debby]

I have a friend who struggled to keep her man with her even though it was so obvious he just wanted to fade away (opr he wanted her to fade away, I could never really tell). He didn't tell her directly he didn't like her, instead he made all these crazy things just to upset her and make her feel awful. He was one negative anchor that kept my friend stay put in that miserable relationship.

[confused friendship]

I really like this guy at school, he's older than me about 5 years, I had known him before, but we became close only this year.but lately he hasn't been paying me much attention. A few weeks ago we would fool around and laugh, he would listen to my problems and give me advises, our friends would tease us about liking each other...
I like him very much but I'm really confused... I don't know what to do... I don't want to be an extra in his life but i think he also likes me...
please help me...

[Sophie Landy]

I really like this guy I work with. The first time we saw each other he smiled at me. He touches me a lot. When we work together , he always smiles at me and asks how I am. He does stand close to me when we talk but I do to.One day I was looking at me him and he keep looking at me. Does this guy like me or is he just being friendly? Confused. Please help.

[Patrick]

Hey Sophie, when you lose interest, well, that's what we call "hostile work environment."

[KT]

What if he's just ditched you (after 7 years) - says it's definitely over but invites you over to give you a present and has a new photo of you together in a new frame (knowing full well how much you still like him!!) Are these not confusing signals to give a girl?

[ecka]

i hve a boyfriend,we lasted for about 1yr and 5 months..den we had a petty fight,and suddenly he stopped txting me and calling me for about a week already.im trying to call him him but hes not answering me.i asked him if he wants to break up or what but it seems like im not existing.i dnt know where to start bcoz we didnt have our formal break up..so now pls tell me,does he still like me,or not..pls help me..thanks..

[ecka]

i hve a boyfriend,we lasted for about 1yr and 5 months..den we had a petty fight,and suddenly he stopped txting me and calling me for about a week already.im trying to call him him but hes not answering me.i asked him if he wants to break up or what but it seems like im not existing.i dnt know where to start bcoz we didnt have our formal break up..so now pls tell me,does he still like me,or not..pls help me..thanks..here,s my [email protected]..