Full Disclosure

I'm not practicing law right now.  In April I was on the verge of launching a consumer bankruptcy practice with a friend of mine, and had even moved into space in his office.  But when it came time to sign on officially, and incur a bunch of debt, I realized that building a successful bankruptcy practice isn't my big dream.

Writing is my big dream.  I like bankruptcy law for a million reasons, but the truth about the whole start-a-law-firm project was that I wanted to write about it.  I wanted the excuse to interview dozens of lawyers about their own practices -- what they'd done that they liked, what they would do differently, etc.  So I could write about it, to help other young lawyers find the right path.  And I wanted the chance to work with people who were going through intense personal moments, coping with failure and with the hard work of putting financial problems to rest and starting over.  I think that's worth doing for a million reasons, but for me a major driver was my personal curiosity, and a desire to discover stories and to write about the reasons people get into trouble and how they can bounce back. 

In other words, I was going into the process of starting a law firm mostly so I could write about it.   When I faced that I decided it was pretty dumb, and not very fair to my prospective clients. 

It came down to this -- I realized that starting a law firm would be financially unstable and risky, terrifying, and bucketloads of work.  And, ultimately, if I succeeded, my reward would be the responsibilites and obligations of running a successful law firm -- never an aspiration of mine. 

I've spent a lot of my life trying not to be a writer, pretending that I don't want (need) to write.  It's a complicated story, the reasons for my fear and avoidance.  Anyway, when I was staring right at the prospect of a financially unstable and risky, terrifying, bucketloads-of-work life, the stupidity of this pretense got to me.  I can get all that stuff-- terror, risk, financial instability, hard work-- by writing.  At least then, I'm trying to build a dream I actually want. 

So that's where I am, and where I've been for about a month.  I'm working on a couple of book proposals, and editing some pieces I'd like to submit to magazines.  I have no idea what I'm doing.  It's still almost too scary to talk about.  There will be contract legal work to keep me afloat, or maybe waitressing.  I'm still working on LexThink, with another couple of conferences in the pipeline.  If I crash and burn, I can go back to practicing law, which I enjoyed in many ways.  But if I don't try to do this, I think I'll regret it for the rest of my life.      

Comments

[Yeoman]

"It came down to this -- I realized that starting a law firm would be financially unstable and risky, terrifying, and bucketloads of work. And, ultimately, if I succeeded, my reward would be the responsibilites and obligations of running a successful law firm -- never an aspiration of mine."

I've been there and made the opposite choice, to my great regret.

And, while I've written some magazine articles and even started a book, law keeps me from doing much of that. There isn't time. That's something that those who do not practice law do not realize. It really is a full time job. It takes away all your time, and takes all your effort.

You've made the right decision.

[Rosa (Pena) Frazier]

You only have one life--follow your dream. The only failures come from not being true to yourself and constantly disappointing yourself because you are pretending to be fulfilled by a career. I am living vicariously through you, so don't disappoint! ;)

Rosa

[Christopher Bailey]

I have come to appreciate and admire the honesty you bring to your writing. It's through you and a few other pioneer law bloggers that I've come to see the legal profession for the good work that usually doesn't get mentioned.

Here's the brilliant truth that put a knowing smile on my face:
"I have no idea what I'm doing. It's still almost too scary to talk about."

Yep. It's the folks who think they do know what they're doing all the time who are deluding themselves. We don't get a manual when we pop out of the womb for this experience called life. Each of us gets the privilege of making it up as we go. Keep living the dream.

[dgm]

Hooray for you! I don't think you would have posted this unless you really thought you were doing the right thing, which must mean that you are doing the right thing. Any choice would carry it's risks, and I think you wisely opted for the one that your gut told you was the best one for you. Good luck.

[Evan]

Good luck! I bet you won't regret your decision, however it turns out. (And it means you won't have to take down this post, which the lawyer in you, not the writer, "reserved the right" to do.)

[TP]

*clapping*

(again)

[basquette]

This post makes me want to, simultaneously, turn cartwheels, clap, and say "yayayayayayay!" loudly, AND cry (but that's my own baggage). Nicely done, well-reasoned, and - damn, I applaud your courage.

[david yen]

This is coming from a bankruptcy practioner who is in a different place from you in almost all respects -- age (older), location (Midwest), practice setting (not small private practice). I checked out your blog because I wondered what in the world a bankruptcy lawyer's blog would be. I've stayed because you write well about many other things, and I will continue to drop in even if your blog is no longer the best bankruptcy lawyer's blog out there.

Still, I hope that there is plenty of contract work in the bankruptcy area in your future for the next couple of years. There are plenty of interesting things to write about and it would be nice to have your observations about how changes -- in laws and attitudes -- play out.

[Martha]

As a reader/lurker, I'm glad you have decided to follow your interest in writing.

This blog is one of my favorites to read and I think you have a very good writing style. I look forward to seeing one of your magazine articles or perhaps buying your book when the time comes.

[the Light]

You are my hero. This is exactly, but exactly, what I would like to do someday. My budding little blog isn't nearly as nice as this one... but hopefully someday I'll have enough writing practice under my belt so that I can strike out in search of the real dream. Of course it must be nice to have a firm job to back you up... instead of legal unemployment. [Sigh] In the immortal words of Sting, I'll be watching you.