Nothing To Do In Maine

Writing this post means admitting something very embarrassing.  One night a couple of months ago, while doing an errand at Target, I ended up standing in the book aisle, engrossed in Paris Hilton's book, Confessions of an Heiress.  It was unremarkable in every respect except that she mentioned Maine in the book.  The context was something like, "I love to travel and I find a way to have fun just about anywhere.   Except for Maine.  I went to Maine once and I don't know why anyone would ever go back.  There's nobody there and nothing to do." 

Paris, my friend, you're missing the point.  It's precisely because there's nobody here that there is everything to do. 

• Have you ever been alone on a beach, Paris? I mean alone, you and the gulls and the splashing waves, and no people no matter which way you turn your head?
• Have you ever caught a firefly in your hands, and felt it crawling around as you waited for it to flash between your fingers?
• Have you ever rowed a dinghy, and watched the shore moving away from you, felt the pull of the oars and the small splashing and lurch of the waves?
• Have you ever picked blueberries by the side of the road?
• Have you ever seen a fox run across a field? 
• Have you ever sat nestled in some big granite-y rocks and studied the kinds of moss growing on them? 
• Have you smelled ferns in a pine forest, the ground soft with needles and the ferns unfurling in green bunches where the sunlight filters down?
• Have you watched ospreys diving into the ocean and seen them emerge with a silver fish, still wiggling, as they fly home to their big and clumsy nest?
• Have you caught a hermit crab, by standing in the shallow water just looking, and noticing a periwinkle moving the way no periwinkle can move? 
• Have you sat beside a tree covered in butterflies, and watched it quiver, wings and leaves alive? 
• Have you dived into salt water so cold that the air, for an instant, is pushed out of your suddenly compressed lungs, and then bobbed your head up, and realized that the tingling goosebumps feel wonderful?
• Have you eaten mussels in the cockpit of a boat, with the sun setting and the dinghy bumping gently against the stern?
• Have you swung on a rope swing and let go, wondering in the instant you fall what the water will feel like and whether you are making a mistake?
• Have you seen a moon like this, rising with patience and intention, in a place that feels entirely yours?

Nothing to do in Maine.  Sheesh.  Good riddance. 

Comments

[Patrick]

You ladies sure do hate the Paris Hilton.

[Slice]

I love it. My favorite blonde just blog-whipped my least favorite blonde.

[pjm]

I love it. "There's nobody there." Apparently she considered herself (along with the rest of us) "nobody" while in Maine. The truth hurts...

Nice list, though. I was watching hermit crabs on Ram Island (near the cribstone bridge in Harpswell) this past weekend. I tried to take pictures, but there was too much silt in the water to get a clear shot. I showed my nieces a nesting gull and another, standing on the cliffs, with three young fuzzball gulls next to it. If that's not interesting enough... well, stay wherever it is you are and let the rest of us enjoy it.

[Al Wheeler]

Different people have different tastes. I'd hate Maine, your descriptions of the place make me want to wash my hands, and I'm sure my equivalent list of things to do in an exciting place, paradise on earth for me, would fill you with dread as well. Since your list was too long to duplicate in comments, I'll just use your first and last items as examples.

# Have you ever been alone in a subway car, Scheherazade? I mean alone, you and the urine and the washed out graffiti, and no people no matter which way you turn your head? Except for that drunk, and he may be dead so you're not sure he counts?

# Have you seen a full moon in the winter sky reflected off the skyscrapers as you leave the bar with Paris Hilton at 4 am?

Paradise...

have you thought about who you're writing to. It's not worth your time or energy.

have you thought about who you're writing to. It's not worth your time or energy.

[Anthony]

According to my sources, she has experience both in catching crabs and eating mussels.

Although on a more serious note, no, Maine ain't Paris' sorta place. Then again, most places in the US are not Paris' sorta place.

"Heiress" and "earthy" don't belong in the same graf.

[Hondo]

I made up my mind some time ago that I didn't care what Paris Hilton thinks. I'm not even sure that she does "think."

[Kelly]

Well, now you've got me wanting to go to Maine!

[Bob]

The list sounds so poetic and beautifully earthy. Too bad Maine's weather is so shitty you can only do them about twice a year. I hate Maine...Paris may not be so dumb afterall.

[Raya]

hey i was just looking something up on the simple life (paris hilton's show) and i came across this website. There's actually quite a lot to do in maine --and this is coming from a 17 year old girl from the county! my community (made up of six small towns that all go to the same highschool)doesnt have any sort of store like walmart sears jc pennys macys etc but it does have a well known golf course( va jo wa 's), basketball courts, two community centers (where activities are offered such as girl scouts/boy scouts, basketball *adults and children*, karate, co ed volleyball, rollerblading, dances, and craft fairs) four lakes, one campground (that has a public beach, boat rentals,basketball courts, pool hall, awesome fast food, bowling alley, and an evening restaurant) one community school grades k-12 (i have to brag up my school for a minute here - we have one of the largest gymnasiums around with half of it's bleechers the rest is the basketball court, two soccer fields, we also have one of the largest soccer fields in the area, 1 baseball field, 1 softball field, nature trail, a large playground, greenhouse,& botany gardens.) we have two bars, one is at the golf course the other is on the town corner (teens are allowed into the golf course one untill 11 pm), we have a library, two community baseball fields and one men's league softball field, we have two museums ( they arent great though) we have Vacationland-- which is an estates that has an indoor pool, tennis courts, basketball court, gym, etc., we also have tanning salons, a large paintball course, we have karoake nights, each town has it's own community day- such as summerfest and pioneer days, we also have fireworks in the summer that seem to go on everynight and quite honestly get annoying, and also membership gyms. then we've got the real maine stuff. that i, for one, do not take a huge part in. those would be fourwheeling, snowsledding, boating,mudding, hiking, baxter state park, and hunting. Almost everyone in the community loves sports. we are all yankees or red sox fans up here! lol high school sports are huge here!!! we only have basketball(summer season and winter season), soccer , baseball and softball and of course cheerleading, but almost every student is in one or all. my school always gets to the championships in baseball, softball, girls basketball, and boys soccer. we kick serious ass. plus we have our entire community behind us. Which is awesome, right? well sometimes. lol theres tons here to do. plus we arent all hicks , every teen age girl has a cell phone and the latest styles. we have to travel for a half hour to an hour to get to a mall but we dont mind because gas up here is cheaper. dont think that we dont have money up here though. we have no trailer parks in our community & most people who live around here have to be well off as far as money goes. we have access to a good size town, houlton - which is only about 20 minutes away. theres a lot more to do up there - mini golfing, movie theaters, stores such as wal mart, rite aid, coles shoes,mardens, town and country, all chain restaurants, skate parks, the hospital, bowling alleys, public parks, go karts, and a great downtown! and as far as the weather goes- its perfect. 70's - 80's in the summer and tons of snow in the winter. and then theres the beauty of autumns here. which are insanely awesome. this is just some of the stuff maine has to offer. and im not even near the ocean! i love maine. no lines, no waiting, and everybody knows everybody around here . maine kicks ass

[erin]

whoever you are you sound a lot like my mom who is in love with new brunsick but i think im on paris's side this time
sorry

[Patrick]

Maine??? That’s one of those Noreaster territories if I recall. Don’t they speak French in that part of eastern Canadia? Anyway, I am amused by how Ms. Sherrie and then a later blogger felt compelled to inscribe a list of things to do in Maine.
To the later blogger, I believe you are describing to me a town. You see, towns are places that people decide to live in groups as to not be in isolation. However I am curious about this “Awesome fast food” you speak of. But you do (unintentionally) make a very strong point when you brag about a “good size town” having a store like Wal-Mart. Enough said...
Now I feel compelled to make my point. Ms. Sherri, I believe you are the one who has missed the point here entirely. I have not read her book (I believe anyone who does will instantly experience a 10 point IQ drop), but I believe when Paris says there is nothing to do in Maine, she is not implying that it is a vacuum of space, lacking matter. Rather she is implying that there is nothing out of the ordinary to draw her there. As exciting as watching moss, smelling trees, or catching bugs sound, I believe I can find a more interesting place for my vacation (whether it be urban or natural). Say Vegas, or for my Natural adventure, I might go try exploring the secluded streams of the Rockies. Sorry, but of all the places on this Earth I want to visit, Maine falls at the bottom of my list. (Just above Iran and France)

[Mike C.]

Never thought I'd say this. But I agreed with Paris Hilton, Maine sux.
That list is pathetic. There are better things to do.

[jennifer]

Paris is definitly right about this one. Maine is HORRIBLE. It is the last place anybody would want to be. ughh. there really is absolutely nothing to do.

[B]

Well, people are certainly different and that's what makes the world go 'round...
I side with those that hate Maine, for some of the very same reasons others love it. It is sooo provincial here! I would trade vacationland for stressland that comes with big city life any time!

[POPE]

THE WORST, COLDEST, BORING, POOR, TRASHY, AND HIGHLY TAXED STATE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE IN A YEAR!!!!

[Jess]

other than being so far way from most things,the amount of people who are missing their teeth,taxes, and the shitty weather,it really isnt that bad. There are worse places to visit and or live.

I just wish that the sun would shine more.

(I can thank our weather for keeping the viruses at bay though)

[Weed]

I don't understand why people insist on building towns in places that were never meant to be inhabited.

If it snows 11 months of the year, you should probably pick a new place to live.

[Rerto Jordans]

I'm glad to be of your space. The pictures are good-looking, and writing is very good!

[Urmomisugly21]

We have nice teeth , nice towns , nice people , & nice weather in the fall , summer , and spring . Maine is beautiful . Even some city people think so . Dont diss on it .

[Peepster42]

I agree with you.. urmomisugly21. It is beautiful & other people should not be saying things about the state if they have never been there, or if they did then they went to the MAIN shithole. Its not nice to judge, that is what everyone is doing on this page.

[Beeperster88]

I agree with both of you, judging is not the way to be.

[1967coolman]

I used to judge, but now I dont. I live in maine & the people here are splendid. I just wish everyone could see it.

[Joseppi]

Why do people assume that it snows in Maine 11 months of the year? Honestly I had worse winters when I lived in PA...as for Maine, if you love the outdoors...there is nowhere more beautiful...I always end up right back here...no other state compares.. =)