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Comments

Jess

I agree. A year and a half ago a guy I knew surprised me by asking me out. I was happy to go, but wasn't sure if I really had "the spark" for him. After a handful of dates I was extremely sure that I did, in fact, feel "the spark". We were married 8 months later.

I think sometimes you just can't tell whether you and another person will click romantically unless you let yourself actually experience what they are like in that mode, and vice versa.

l.

I think it's presumptuous and misguided to think you "know" ahead of time everything you need to know about a person or a situation. You may be smart, but no one is that smart. I think you have it exactly right sweetie, just give people and situations a chance to reveal themselves. It's soooooo much more fun that way.

Besides, it's really offensive to have a checklist and cross people off because they don't meet some standard you set up. Obviously, this doesn't apply to things like "kind and considerate." But categories less central to a person - like hair or a taste for fine dining - shouldn't be a reason to assume you're never going to click.

jaime

compare these two interactions:

a) you feel this instant, ineffable attraction to a person 20 feet away.

b) you engage in a conversation with a person, talking about life, politics, sports, food.

which one might lead to a long-lasting spark?

Dan

I'd have to agree that you should give it a chance... the best relationships are based on friendship. It should be the foundation of any good relationship. It was for me and Gee.

PGirl

Jaime, great post. I think that hands down, (b) will have a longer-lasting spark. I have to be honest though: (a) is usually what makes me want to have the (b) conversation with a guy.

jaime

PGirl, yes, this is probably true for most of us, most of the time. The thing is, how often do you find yourself attracted to a person, based on the initial vibes, only to be disappointed by the total lack of connection, sometimes within seconds, or minutes of talking. Have you noticed that the more you like a person, the more attractive s/he is? And, when you don't, the "glow" that surrounds the person dissolves? This kind of begs for a two-tiered chemical rush, doesn't it? The first that draws two together. The second sustains the connection. Hmmm... I wonder if the more educated readers of this blog know the answer to this.

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second sustains the connection. Hmmm... I wonder if the more educated readers of this blog know the answer to this.

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