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pjm

If one assumes monogamy, all one's romantic relationships will be failures, except the last one.

The uncertainty is in knowing which one is the last one.

AdriftAtSea

I'd have to add two rules, that I think is a must for any relationship to really succeed.

Trust your instincts. If your gut says something is wrong about the relationship, or if your dog does, then you might want to take a step back and see why this is.

Love unconditionally. If you can't accept them for who they are, as they are right now, warts and all, they're the wrong person for you.

If you don't know what unconditional love is... you've never owned a dog.

Most dogs love unconditionally...they accept you for who you are, even on your worst days, and they forgive you when you screw up, and they listen really well.

TPB, Esq.

Perhaps "Only connect"?

E.M. Forster should sue me for that one.

Amy

I have no idea if you're reading this anymore, but here's mine: Don't be afraid to wait.

Especially if you're this big, strong, liberated-woman type that knows your ability to get a (the right) man isn't dependent on your youth or whatever (what is it that makes people hurry?).

There might be some instant connection and you "know" from the beginning (I was not one of these, and still think you should be cautious), but otherwise, being willing to wait for the right person can save a lot of heartache, or at least, the futile effort of trying to make the wrong one the right one.

That Lawyer Dude

I asked Ms. Lawyer Dude the original question.(We are married 21 years.) Here is her response:

1. Expect the unexpected. He (or she I guess) will forget birthdays, or remember them but not have time to buy a gift. Then he will win a case, or have a good day, and buy you the most beautiful bauble you ever saw. Tell him when he forgets, that it's alright, and when he suprises you, pretend it's your birthday.

2. Patience. Often you are speaking, but he's not listening. Pick the time and place you discuss your issues, when he has the time and will to listen, handle it quickly. He will lose his concentration for "things not law" quickly.(Except sports.)

3. He solves problems. That is what he does. He usually does it all the time. Do not go to him for an ear to listen. He will solve your problem even when you don't want that. If you want sympathy date a funeral director or a shrink. If you want answers, date a lawyer.

4. Love that he is dedicated to his work. Then know that he loves you too. He just gets confused as to which he loves more, when. When at work, he loves you most, when he's with you, he loves law more. They do not know how to love the one they're with. Keep it interesting enough however, and they will figure it out...except when on trial (see 7 below).

4. Learn the rules of court and do not fall into the cross examination trap. When he asks leading questions (Ones that suggest the answers he wants): Object loudly, and then strike his question as leading and tell him to rephrase and ask a direct exam question.

5. When he goes into court, he is in his lawyer mode. He leaves all his problems outside the door of the courtroom. He leaves his feelings there too. Help him forget his problems. Help him remember to reclaim his feelings. All of them, not just anger and frustration.

6. Get along with his secretary and make her your friend. She will get him out the door on time when you need him. Don't be jealous of their relationship, she will smell the fear and you are done for.

7. Law is 24/7. So is life. Make room for your adversary but also claim what is yours. Trials are a bitch, get out of the way. Due dates, depositions and court dates can be planned for and changed when necessary. Act accordingly. (A new client with money ALWAYS takes precedence.)

8. Speaking of money...If he puts making money ahead of doing a good job, drop him. He may make money but he will make you miserable. If he is more interested in doing a good job than making money, offer to work in his office, he needs you more than either of you know.

My Lawyer Dudette became my secretary 2 weeks after the wedding. She worked with me till our second Son was born. It was without a doubt the best 6 years of my professional life. She remains the only one who really gets it. Thank God she let me catch her.

Sybil

Very, very interesting blog you have here. I have learned a lot just by reading through some of your relationship-based entries. Thank you. I'll visit again I am sure.

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