In exactly one week I will be officiating at the wedding of Neighbor and 517. Yesterday I started to get nervous. I was at a wedding, watching a dear family friend being married by my aunt, an Episcopal priest. She's good, my aunt. She has a warm authority, a presence at the front of the church that conveys humor and wisdom, intelligence, solemnness. I've watched her conduct other ceremonies -- my grandfather's funeral, my other aunt's wedding -- and I've always admired her role. What an honor -- to guide people through the peak moments of their lives, celebrations and grievings. She ties together ritual and tradition with individual details. It's a pretty cool job, and she does it well.
And of course yesterday I was watching the whole thing thinking about doing it myself. I don't get scared by public speaking, and I have been looking forward to doing this wedding for months. But I want to do it right, and yesterday I was hit by how hard it will be. I don't mean hard as in complicated. But I mean hard as in, I want to convey just the right sort of thing. I want to project the kind of warm authority and confidence that I saw in my aunt, and to do that I can't be nervous. And I want to be reassuring and sincere, respectful and fun. I want to be grounded and concrete, and also, if I can, inspire or touch on the ideals and highest potential of the love I see in my friends. Striking the balance right, through my body language and the way I direct the flow of the ceremony, and the words I use when I welcome people and when I speak about the couple, it suddenly seems like it will be very hard. I think I can do it, but I have a lot of work to do.
On Thursday I figured out what I am going to wear, and it's amazing how much relief that gave me. I hadn't realized that I was worried about it. If you'd asked me I would have said I wasn't worried. But I was. I know I want to look official, so that the families and the guests relax and trust my authority. I want to inspire confidence, to make sure nobody worries that the ceremony is going to be goofy or too groovy or poorly done. And yet I don't want to look stuffy or artificial. I want to look warm and ceremonial. But of course I don't have such costumes -- I don't have robes. Anyway, I found a long jacket that's just right, so that aspect isn't troubling me anymore. Now I just need to write the script, and practice it so I can speak without nervousness or doubt.
First, I'm sure you'll do great. Second, I highly recommend practicing reading into a mirror. It makes a lot of difference.
Posted by: Michael J. | August 13, 2006 at 12:56 PM
Why is he called 517?
Posted by: Meg | August 13, 2006 at 10:22 PM
You'll do fine... Don't let the pressure of it being your time officiating throw you off.
Posted by: AdriftAtSea | August 13, 2006 at 11:15 PM
Meg: This Sherry mentions why he is called 517 in this post:
http://civpro.blogs.com/civil_procedure/2006/01/the_new_utopia.html
Posted by: Scheherazade H. | August 14, 2006 at 07:58 AM
Ooops, that should read "Meg: Sherry..."
I even previewed the comment before I posted it!
Posted by: Scheherazade H. | August 14, 2006 at 08:01 AM
At the risk of being negative, you do raise the question as to whether someone with a mail order certificate declaring you're a cleric should be doing this. Maybe this is something best left to a professional.
On the other hand, are there any academic robes at the University that you could borrow?
Posted by: | August 14, 2006 at 08:23 AM
Thank you other Sherry. :) Up till now I have never known of anyone who was successful at one of those speed dating events. Fascinating!
And good luck, "this Sherry". I'm sure you'll do great.
Posted by: Meg | August 14, 2006 at 04:56 PM
Perhaps your aunt can convey a warm authority and confident presence at the front of the church because she's earned it through years of profound commitment to the institution she represents in the ceremony.
Posted by: Al Wheeler | August 15, 2006 at 04:42 AM
You'll be fine. My sister's total goof of a brother-in-law got an Internet ordination and officiated at her wedding, reading vows that she and her husband had written and concluding by saying "by the dubious powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife." It was perfect. He was part of their lives, he belonged there, and it fit. Even my highly-skeptical father was won over.
Posted by: DaveL | August 15, 2006 at 08:56 PM
i think she wears dresses that SHE designed -- to some extent, this is a commercial action?? but honestly, i wish she would donate some of the money she'd spend for her weddingS.
Posted by: jim and tonic | January 29, 2010 at 05:06 AM