More Things I Haven't Figured Out

My college students are going to blaze new trails, save the world, cure cancer, map the brain, and a dozen other things that impress me daily.  Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out the basic logistics of adult life, like:
~ how much pleasure reading is realistic?  How can I accept the fact that I will never, ever, get to read all the things I would like to read, not to mention all the books I "should" read?
~ how many friends can I really have, with the kind of richness and depth and playfulness of an authentic friendship?  what do I do when I meet someone new, who would probably be a great new friend, to acknowledge that connection and potential without dropping a friend I already have?
~ how do I get a coffee stain out of my shirt?  And how do I become a person who doesn't get coffee stains on my clothing in the first place?
~ do these pants make my butt look fat? 
~ should I figure out how to fix that drip myself, or just call a plumber and do it?
~ how do I know if I am becoming stubborn and set in my ways, versus being self-aware and clear about what I like and don't like?  what's the right balance between comfort and challenge? 
~ how can I make enough time to see live music sometimes? how do I keep up with new music I might like but haven't heard of yet?
~ when I'm pressed for time, should I give up cardio, lifting, or yoga, and how much of each do I need to feel strong and flexible and healthy?
~ what things can you overlook or tolerate in your loved ones without having to have a "talk" about them? 
~ should I get a flu shot or not?

Comments

[The Happy Feminist]

Yes on the flu shot. Why not?

As for the rest, please let us know if you ever figure out the answers, because I sure as heck don't know.

[Doug]

Unless your students have some culture or religion that dictates the answers to these questions, I'll bet they'll be trying to answer similar questions before they get far on those new trails.

An interesting question is, do life's challenges continue to get smaller and smaller, or is each of these a test case, which, once answered, establishes precedent for similar situations?

Perhaps the questions get finer and more particular, but the implications broaden, or may broaden, depending on the level at which you choose to answer them.

I do not usually think along these lines, myself, so I expect your legal experience couched these questions in a way that brought this to my mind.

[twitch]

While I can't comment on the the meta-physical importance of 'big discoveries' vs. 'adult concerns', I'll at least offer an answer to one of them:

"how do I keep up with new music I might like but haven't heard of yet?"

In an arena where music on the radio is increasingly homogenized, I had the same question myself. I discovered a site that's done me and my musical tastes a world of good: pandora.com. I highly recommend checking it out.

[a]

~ how many friends can I really have, with the kind of richness and depth and playfulness of an authentic friendship? what do I do when I meet someone new, who would probably be a great new friend, to acknowledge that connection and potential without dropping a friend I already have?

I don't think there's a limit to the number of friends you can have, and I don't think you need tons of time and energy for them to be authentic. Different friends require different amounts of time and energy at different points in your life, and in different points in their life. Sometimes they'll need more of you and sometimes you'll need more of them. I don't think it's ever all-on, all the time. So be sure to send that christmas card to the friend who just moved, or might be lonely, or you know is just the sort to appreciate it; don't stress about the one that it matters less to.

Make new friends, but keep the old... and get rid of those that you feel are always needing you but you are never needing. (get rid of = just distance yourself. no need to be mean, though sometimes it's necessary to "break-up" with a friend).

[Stephanie]

For keeping up with new music, you should try Pandora. www.pandora.com It's free internet radio that recommends songs based on a song or artist that you like. You can add more than one song or artist you like to a "station" and then it plays songs based on your selections and has a description as to why it played a particular song. Trying it is the best way to figure out how it works, but it's easy to use and I've found a bunch of new artists that I like from using it.

[Dawn]

I agree with "a" about friends. Growing up I had few friends. In college I picked up a few - and then lost them again when we all went back home to different states. Law school brought me a group of friends that I socialize with regularly now - but they're all younger than I am. Just recently I reunited with people I knew in high school - I didn't consider them friends then, but by association we're fast becoming friends through the miraculous world of IM and myspace. Friday a group of us are meeting for dinner and drinks - finally, friends my own age!

All my groups of friends are different and call for different kinds and amounts of attention. Some friends I call or email occasionally as they are far away. Others I lunch with regularly as they work near where I work. As needs of friends change, the amount of specific attention they need changes.

But no matter what - I never forget. Years may go by, but if an old friend resurfaces and needs me - I'm there. I don't believe you can ever have too many friends. When I need them - I hope they'll remember me. But even then, my need will dictate which one(s) I need.

[Dawn]

Pleasure reading - books on tape. go to your local library - pop one in while you're driving somewhere. The key is a really good narrator. If you don't like the voice - try another. But try it - that's the only way I get any pleasure reading in. Of course, I have an hour commute . . .

[Dawn]

Flu shot? I won't get one. I'm healthy, have never had the flu, and just don't see a need. If I got the flu every year - then yeah, i'd get one. But why start now if your body hasn't told you that you need it?

[sybil]

While I connected to practically your whole entry, I really nodded during the first two "batches" of questions dealing with recreational reading & friends.

"The more I learn, the less I am sure of." -paraphrasing Sting...

Oh, and the flu shot isn't necessary. I have experimented on myself and with or without it, I still get sick at least once every school year.

[PG]

'what things can you overlook or tolerate in your loved ones without having to have a "talk" about them?'

This is different for everyone -- I am sure that I can overlook and tolerate some things you couldn't, and vice versa. I think the line is when the thing is something you could foresee damaging your relationship; when it goes beyong merely irksome to making you feel angry, uncomfortable, unhappy, etc. Wait for a strong emotion to surface, and be receptive rather than repressive of it when it does.

The "tolerance" aspect can be particularly difficult, though. I constantly question myself on whether something bothers me because it truly is incompatible with *me*, or if it's something that I've been told should bother me and that I actually ought to be tolerant of.

[MLS]

For finding new music, I recommend:
http://www.woxy.com (new rock w/ excellent live DJs)
http://www.kexp.org (esp. John in the Morning show)
www.kcrw.org (home of Morning becomes Eclectic)
www.radioxy.com
www.radioparadise.com
www.somafm.com (multiple channels)

[Co-Chief]

Have you ever seen the Samples live? That's a good way to keep up with new music - go see a band that comes highly recommended to you, and I happened to notice they're playing Portland on 11/11/06....check out www.thesamples.com. Enjoy, iKe